The Bailout Ballad - the Layman's Lament

One day not long past our economy faltered And wouldn’t improve if our course were unaltered. 'Cause we buy stuff at Wal-Mart (where things are dirt cheap) 'Cause they buy from China (treats workers like sheep (So farmers left farms and moved to the city. And hoped for life better (no luck, such a pity) )). They went right to work (but folks who had power got 'em to work for six bits an hour). To make matters worse our credit froze up. Couldn't spend - couldn't borrow - couldn't buy a tin cup. You think this is bad? It's downhill from there. Institutions cried "uncle" - said cupboards were bare. Couldn't borrow, couldn't lend, no business as usual. So they opened their books to wide-eyed perusal. Our Treasury Secretary called Congress to action. Said money was needed to unfreeze this impaction. So they gave loads of money to our secretary mighty Who they said was quite stern and not the least flighty. He'd disburse the funds wisely with skill and great cunning. He'd soon save us all with our economy running Full tilt dead ahead. We'd all have great jobs. Or funds to build business. No more wailing. No sobs. But he hadn’t a plan, no clue what to do.is Gasp! I’m shocked! I’m surprised! Weren’t you? "The problem's bad assets. I know what to do. Throw billions to the wind to buy them from you! It's a crisis, a panic, no time to lose! So give me 300 billion dollars to use!" Congress quick cut a check - didn’t ask any questions. Full speed ahead - damn the objections! Then five minutes later, he said. "Sorry, my bad. Sky's ok after all. Billions gone. So sad." Next thing you know ’nother check's in the mail. Now they thought lenders were too big to fail So they gave them our billions and tried to act manly: While sheepishly mincingly bailing out Morgan Stanley! Money still wasn’t flowing so they tried a new tack. Gave money to banks they needn’t pay back! And what of the money they’d gotten for free? They’d loan me the money they’d gotten from me! The banks got a downpour but oh life is fickle. While they bathe in money – for me? Not a trickle. Then came execs who'd wrecked A-I-G They wept and they pleaded and cried, "Please save meeee!" Fannie Mae queued up next just before Freddie Mac Who lent money to people who couldn't pay back. Congress gasped (so we'd notice) and then cried "Enough!" To make it look good they called Lehman a bluff: Sacrificially beheaded poor Lehman Brothers. They gave them no money (unlike all the others) But kept spending funds like water that's runny With glee and abandon, disposition so sunny. Through Fingers of Congress funds flowed like warm honey. 'Round town it got spent like Monopoly money. "A billion here and a billion there and soon it's real money!" I laughed once before but now it's not funny. I’m sure I would spend it way better then you. A deaf ear I'd turn to pleas of "me too". I can't hear the cries the wails the shouts The So Helpless pleadinghim beseeching handouts And we're still on the hook for money by tons, A stack past the moon if you use only ones! How much do we owe? Lean close and I'll tell you. It’s the biggest darn number that ever befell you. It's 3.5x10 to the twelf – A number so huge I can't count it myself. So I worked with my neighbors and friends that I knew. We'd just about finished when it quivered and grew. We bravely pressed on but got worried because It grew to a monster ten times what it was. It far, far exceeds all the debt on my house. Makes my debt seem much smaller than a flea on a mouse. So here's what I owe, scientifically noted. (No interest – it's merely the loan the bank floated) It's 1.2x10 to the fifth. If you say it's a trifle I'll really be miffed! To me it's a fortune, a mountain, a gob. It's enormous, it's huge – a train-wreck-size glob. But to you with your trillions it barely rates mention A blip even smaller than my crummy old pension. I'll make a comparison to give some perspective. Divide smaller by bigger – a percent’s the objective. The quotient is less than the least you might fine us: Just 3.4x10 to the eighth minus! That's 3.4 millionths expressed as percent If you lost that amount would you care where it went? If it fell from the table it wouldn't be missed. Only know it was gone if you looked at your list. Compared to the bailout and financial-type terror My mortgage amounts to a small rounding error. The amount is so small, a grain you can't see. How much could hurt if it came back to me? But accountants all say it would just cause inflation. They say if I had it I could harm our whole nation! Imagine that. Me! Oh the power I've got! So just you tell me: should I use it? Or not? The problems roll on and Congress still spends. Ford, G-MAC, and Chrysler - the list never ends. I want to flee far away when I consider this bailout. Catch the next boat, settle in, and just sail out. I’d find me a country where companies are smarter And don't need my help like a belt needs a garter. Whoops, I forgot. It spans the whole world. It catches each breeze like a sail unfurled. So I fret and I grimace - it’s now up to trillions. How long can it be ’til they’re spending quadrillions?!