That's the Way We Do It

We were taught that to be qu**r means to be strange, to be unlike the rest, to be different, but not in a way that would raise surprised brows or taint eyes green with jealousy. We were taught that to be qu**r means to be different in a way that would produce uneasy “oh”s or disapproving “how could that be”s. To be qu**r was a rising sea of loneliness drowning us but later it became comforting furry blankets we’d pull up to the tips of our heads at night— there was safety in keeping our lips shushed. You call it hiding in the closet we call it an embroiling conflict with ourselves of loving and hating, of pretending to be not so different, of letting your homophobic jokes slide, of knowing that we’re silent because we’re also afraid to hear the truth— that we’re also sometimes disconcerted by this part of ourselves, for that’s just the way we do it. We learn, over time, as we find out that that kid in our Chemistry class likes painting his nails, and that girl in our neighbourhood scribbles hearts over the Cara Delevingne posters on her bedroom wall, we learn that maybe we’re not so different. We teach ourselves to give to ourselves the love we want to give to people who make our hearts flutter, to accept ourselves the way want to be by our mothers and fathers, to embrace ourselves the way we embraced that friend who came out to us. We teach ourselves to take off the blanket and sleep in the open instead. We teach ourselves to keep swimming and swimming no matter how ferocious the currents grow. We teach ourselves to love all the seven hues in our skies and to let go of the people who don’t find rainbows beautiful. We teach ourselves to battle the ridicule and dismissals and bullying, to no more despise the way our hearts beat. We teach ourselves to no more pretend to be ’normal’ for we already are normal. We no longer subdue our voices to the pits of our anxious stomachs Instead, we sing in a chorus of the hues in our skies, for we are here and we are qu**r and that’s just the way we do it.