Soul Searching

I am one to believe, That if only people could see, What’s really, truly me… …That one day this world would understand. I am very different. Yet, common to the eye. But what’s inside the heart, Proves that the outside is just a lie. On average, if you should know. Based off of the world’s expectations. That I would be a girl, With senior salutations. To make up the perfect woman, Many elements of normality are involved. But I am more like a puzzle… …With important pieces missing. Therefore, I am close to impossible of being solved. Beauty, yes I am. I know I have the smarts. But the reasons for my insecurities, I cannot figure out. I am stuck inside of a shell. A dungeon that I call my home. I want to break free… …Escaping from all of this. But I cannot escape by being alone. Yes, there are people by my side. But ONE cannot escape the wrath… …Of a Mental Tsunami Tide. So what do I do for peace? I observe those of innocence. Stop. Think. And listen. Then all over, I reminisce. What do I evoke? What thoughts do I recollect? I muse over the teachings that I received from the inexperienced. I tend to allow myself to believe, That if I studied another’s ways, That I would be able to flee, From OUR past. The crippling days. So why am I so self-doubting? So quick to be pessimistic? If only I had the answers, Would be how quickly I could end it. No, I am not JEALOUS! I understand half of what I am worth. The other half will come along, With self values and soul search. I don’t mean any harm, To those that I offend. Personality is key. And not a heart. But a character is what I have to mend. So on this journey of security, And transforming into a woman of hope and faith. Please allow me to be myself, So that I can notice the traits that I have to change. And once I have improved myself. Certainly I will see. Things that are worth my time… ….And the things that are not worth me. Please be patient with me, For we are on this journey simultaneously.