Something Odd Goin' On

What's up? What's going on? How come it's 3AM? And bright as noon? Have I finally made it Into a Looney-Tune? Who left me a hot breakfast, Then disappeard? How the hell did I Overnight grow a green beard? And that new Lamborgini In my driveway Painted purple, black, and red, each a circle round Am I a mad old hack? I see a cab's roof light On it, like a crown. The door sign says $100.00 first quarter mile, $200.00 each following quarter So ridiculous I had to smile Is this someone's idea Of a joke? To make of me, A fool , one to poke? I grabbed my pants, To go out to inspect Golly, gosh darn This I did not expect... Every pair had four legs, you see... Someone tell me, How this could be! Perhaps I'm yet asleep, And this is but a dream, Maybe a nightmare brought on By last night's ice cream So I dug out the ice cream, To see the brand and flavor, Perhaps laced with acid, By some angry neighbor... "Trolley Madison" the brand, The flavor "Mulch" I start to feel a panic grow, Turn on the TV to distract me, You know? But it does not come on, The dryer does, And the radio blasts A Taliban song, What the hell is going on? What part of hell is this? What did I do so wrong? Guess I'll go back to bed, And hope my next awakening Will be more normal instead, So I return to my bedroom now, All I can utter is "Holy Cow!" For my bedroom is now A subway station, Out here in the Kansas plains, to boot! I better get some whiskey, I sure could use a toot! I pour some Southern Comfort, And out pops corn bread and grits... I guess I should be grateful, It wasn't a bowl of horsy sh_ts. I better call my boss, Explain I'd be late to work, But he had never heard of me, And thought me but a jerk... And I could hardly disagree with him, For when I put down the phone, The chord was a garden snake And I was not alone The cats I don't own, the dog I'd dreamed of getting, All crowded around me, For food and some petting In panic, I went out the front door, Not knowing what to expect Found myself on the conning tower bridge, Of an atomic submarine quite wrecked Enough! Enough! Enough! I cried, Clenched fist aimed at the sun Why have you forsaken me? What wrongful sin have I done? But the seas did not part, And the nightmare did restart. I dove over the side of the submarione, Ending up next to my bed On the floor with reality shed.