Somehow I've accepted it

Did you notice how I stopped writing for weeks? I've stopped getting in the train and let my thoughts collide. I've stopped getting in the train *with my friends* and let my thoughts collide. I've stopped *inviting people* and let my thoughts collide. I've stopped getting in the train and *sit next to people*, letting my thoughts collide. I've stopped getting in the train *and free seats for elderly* because my thoughts won't stop collide. I've stopped, getting in the train. I've stopped. I have. I, me. I spilled *because I wanted to spill. Then I laughed along with it. Then I spilled, *because I felt akward not to spill*. After that tears started running down my face. I felt the need to spill. Where will the train bring me? I left in a rush. "Pia", I hear his voice echoeing across the Walls. Was it meant to reach me? Just my ears or my heart? As I closed my eyes my mind said that he called out my name because he just wanted to do so. As I opened my eyes and was accedently about to stuck between the door of the train, I knew, that I lost my necklace on ground and he just wants to hand it out to me. That's the only time he could've seen me. With door marks on my shoulders and what was running down my spine chilling by time, I took a breath for coming too late, *for letting my thoughts collide* I have not brought any things with me. No water bottle or my favorite backpack. I'll always think something is wrong with me liking pink bags, I'll always think something is wrong with eating or drinking. Something will always have been done to myself. But I want to learn how to live with it. I did not need to see him.