smoke and mirrors

You were the person looking back in the mirror I didn’t love you I fell in love with myself who was inside of you How could you be loved when I had deemed my very heart & soul as unlovable? Unworthy of human touch & interaction? How can someone be that absurd & still receive the world? I’m beautiful isn’t that enough for someone? My soul & every livelihood has rotted & decay over the years of misuse Mistrust & abuse Isn’t beauty everything? My perfect face? My rounded ass & full chest? Aren’t I enough? Isn’t that enough? Beauty isn’t everything? Why does there have to be more than just a pretty picture to get through life? Instagram & TikTok show me otherwise Can’t I just put on a tight dress & a smile out in the world & crawl back into my cave afterwards like many times before? Why isn’t my plethora of faces working anymore? Everytime I walk out of my cave the rain washes it away bit by bit I try to prolong my stay But too many have seen the pain Only if I tried harder to hide away Maybe I’d still be safe? We’re at a stand still The light is now yellow You say that you’re scared to Move forward & to Befriend a liar You want to see underneath All of the games & Instagram perfection But don’t you understand? That she’s porcelain & will crack at the snidest of remarks She is poking through The sun touching fractions of her stone cold heart It hasn’t felt the warmth of the sun or anything of that matter for decades But it’s finally coming through Maybe one day she’ll completely thaw? Maybe the rain will completely wash all of who’s she not away? & that yellow light will turn green & that cave, there will be no need