Saint Patrick's Day

(This is a fictional poem) On Saint Patrick's Day I always pinch people who don't wear green. I made the horrible mistake of pinching a man who was very mean. He kicked me in the stomach and then he violently put my head through a glass door. The doctors picked shards of glass out of my face and I'll never pinch him anymore. I pinched a lady and she said she was being sexually harassed. It was because I made the mistake of pinching her on the ___. She took me to court and she was awarded a million dollars. That damn judge held me in contempt when I started to holler. Pinching that lady's ___ was something that I regret. It took six years for me to pay off that damn debt. Last Saint Patrick's Day I was doused in gasoline and I sure did burn. I keep pinching people on Saint Patrick's Day, I guess I'll never learn.