Rouse

Saturday, Saturday 'Why'd you do this to me' was my first question, my first reaction a reflex to point myself the victim point myself an inquiry I had no response for I wanted once to see her to know her face with my own eyes one more time without giving thought to the consequences the therapy my conscience would provide nor the defenses I put up to make sure she couldn't topple the kingdom I built I wondered for days, for years, for minutes, for seconds what I would do when I saw her last I theorized I would grow snakes for hands and coil tight or transform into a small teddy bear simply asking for a hug but neither were reality A composer of contortions, I lost my composure freaked out when I discovered her presence my heart jumping out of my chest my hearing drowned out by bass and an eerie electronic buzzing since she decided this day to step out of my realm my haven, my prison where I couldn't do a single thing except stand there a joyful expression upon my countenance, a foolish facade my mouth dry, craving water I stood there, a lonely lowly cashier wanting nothing more to forget where I was hug her, punch her tell her I love her, tell her something from the bottom of my heart get something, anything out of my mouth that I wanted to tell her something, anything meaningful have a moment where I could tell her I'm hers forever like it or not I love her and I'm tired of escaping it but I hate the way things have been between us I want to change that, I want something I want something but no clue what it is anymore yet my voice found no ears to place this knowledge upon She wasn't alone and responsibilities forbade me so my actions constructed a rouse that my composure was a composer of Beethoven's symphony moving intricately, carefully to not give myself away as my tongue grew a blunt sword to cut her, only a flesh wound a subtle cut in revenge for the years she made me spend as a spectator to her endless loves while I chased down heroines to be my heroin in hopes to forget her, in hopes to distract my brain from thoughts of her yet what my mind forgets, my heart calls out for as has been my fate forcibly watching my precious endeavors every single love I've ever had moving on, marrying, loving someone else as I just on the outside wishing I was inside so I sit at my only location where I can truly be alone wishing to wrap myself in a grenade filled cocoon my version of a supernova This wasn't supposed to happen not today but I can't blame a soul I can't blame anyone I wanted this...I wanted this... I wanted something... I wanted...her but for my precious endeavors I have a shattered heart a list of regrets sore lungs listless eyes Someone cure me please but I know no one will hear me so why... why do I always call out for someone