Remorseful

Should I be filled with regret? When I did what I thought was my best? Or did I? Gosh to think how could I have hurt her so Did I do right by you, I know there were times you were disappointed in me Oh how I wished you weren't I felt the hatred for myself burning through my skin and peeling away the layers I didn't need yours on top of it I know I may have missed those meetings at the school I just couldn't bring myself to face myself And those women with their narrow minded opinions Those damn clicks I just wanted no part of God I hated them for making me feel I wasn't good enough But Now I realize I let me feel uncomfortable in my own skin God I would sit at home and feel like death rolling in my own crap Justifying my behavior and knowing I was a failure to my little girl I was filled with a paralyzing anxiety just being around people made me shrivel up Hidden in the confines of the house shaking with worry And to think I had the greatest gift bestowed to me, a child that was mine Yes all mine and it was my job to raise her up But I couldn't see past the dark haze that trapped me so I let this God forsaking disease crush my ability to be there for my child I sat back and watched someone else do what I should have And now this pitiful woman has a heavy heart she carries forever Knowing I lost my daughters respect and my treasure