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Punctuated In Time

Cant lift my eyes beyond half past seven anymore Nay! I do not wish to see... Past hyphens and inverted commas Lies and more catastrophe Ambidextrous clock with appalling brevity The second hand throws away society Caught on the hook of an apostrophe Hit and run humanity With what shall I beseech thee? Amix with soot and grime am I today I painted me....! I mascara'd me! Not this... warpaint for smudges A discard of society Sunk in dank mediocrity Left to dream on the periphery Sacked and sold with all their niceties And pensioned off into obscurity Cascading through the fingers of our hands Groans the running Namib sands Camel plods along ignoring facts Dali's clock is molten wax - a mystery Certain as Terrabyte and Megabitten memory Omits to call- forgets to visit me

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Patricia Cresswell

Date: 9/18/2017 3:32:00 PM

Here again to revisit this poem. I have been thinking about revenge, rebellion and out right war. This appalling situation must stop. All that life experience going to waste.

Jannie Breedt
Date: 9/18/2017 10:43:00 PM

Its against Gods commandments the way the off spring trudges headlong into the abyss like sheep.I loved it when you came back. I was different : i esteemed my grandparents so much and stuck to my mother until her last breath. I learnt wonderful stuff.

Patricia Cresswell

Date: 9/5/2017 11:29:00 AM

We no longer hold our elders in great esteem. Instead they are warehoused in institutions that are concerned with profit and bad smells. As long as the place smells clean and they are raking in the profits no one cares about the elders. Especially the families who salve their conscience with the monthly stipend. Please forgive my outburst.

Jannie Breedt
Date: 9/8/2017 4:37:00 AM

I was hoping you would read on and to my delight you did. Only:how can I forgive your outburst when it joins in my own mutiny against this phenonemon. Shout louder!!!

Caycay Jennings

Date: 11/26/2016 7:36:00 PM

Read the poem 3 times, the comments below, once. First, this is beyond deep - a poem for thinkers, feelers - which poets are, ideally. There are times on Soup when my mind is tired and I wouldn't be able to navigate such 'heaviness.' YOU said this needs a rewrite and maybe so, but more of just a tightening because it is good, complex and talent is definitely the thread that wove each line. (I've missed ya) ... CayCay

Jannie Breedt
Date: 12/18/2016 4:56:00 AM

I was overloaded with passion and i missed all the people that left me here . Are you familiar with Dali's paintings? Go have a look see. I had to go deep to where it hurts. Sorry for making you work.

Jannie Breedt
Date: 12/18/2016 4:52:00 AM

John Hamilton

Date: 11/21/2016 10:06:00 AM

Enjoyed this write I think first time reading you. Very interesting thoughts provoked with this read. btw did you mean punctuated?

Jannie Breedt
Date: 11/21/2016 11:59:00 AM

Omg John. How could I miss that. Thanks for the visit and the nice comment

Jannie Breedt

Date: 11/17/2016 1:09:00 AM

Hot dang! I finally fixed that niggle by adding that last line. Now I am happy

Jannie Breedt
Date: 11/17/2016 7:58:00 AM

My new dislexic friend how are you. Gratitude that you came back to look up on this ADHD plumber with a crack at the back He he

Jean Murray
Date: 11/17/2016 4:17:00 AM

That is better. Being a little dyslexic, I have lots of trouble with hyphens and commas myself.

Jean Murray

Date: 11/16/2016 5:22:00 AM

I thought you said you were a plumber? Are you also a chimney sweep? Whatever you use your hands for, your mind is cetrainly in fine fettle. A deep disturbing poem. Well done.

Jannie Breedt
Date: 11/16/2016 9:32:00 AM

Ha ha ha Jean you are a real sneak. You caught me in the act. What a delight . Thank you

Carol B.

Date: 11/16/2016 12:05:00 AM

So happy I stopped by and read this extraordinary piece. I love it :) It's a fav.

Jannie Breedt
Date: 11/16/2016 4:44:00 AM

Thanks Carol. Then it was worth wrestling with this work. Thank you for coming back again. ??

Jannie Breedt

Date: 11/15/2016 12:48:00 AM

I apologise to Carol and 80 people who read the poem CONCESSION.I completely rewrote the entire poem and also renamed it. It was a very difficuclt task but I am more satisfied now -sort of.... there is still a. Slight niggle which I may still correct

Carol B.

Date: 11/9/2016 6:54:00 PM

I so enjoy your writes. I feel the sadness throughout this piece. I applaud your writing and creativity :)

Jannie Breedt
Date: 11/10/2016 10:51:00 AM

Hi Carol. Thank you for visiting me again. This poem is begging for a rewrite. Coming soon