Ptsd

2am. I took a shower by myself, while everyone around me slept I figured some alone time would give me time to recollect. I washed my hair like normal then I heard a creak beneath me, The shower floor was normal but I got the feeling he could see me. I closed my eyes so tight and I held my breath under the spray. I begged my mind to stop and just please make him go away. I felt like he was standing just on the other side of the curtain, If I dared opened my eyes he would be staring at me smirking. I felt my lips tremble and my hands became fists I started hyperventilating and felt a locking in my wrist. The water pressure changed and the air began to freeze, Then all at once I fell apart dropped straight to my knees. I felt the water cool and tears cascaded down my cheeks. I tried to part my lips and remind myself to breathe. I opened my eyes black spots dancing through my vision I can make out the shower curtain and the soaps all in position. I force myself to stop. I feel water pooling at my feet. I rest my head against the tub and resist the urge to scream. They're just intrusive thoughts. Everything's okay. I scrub my skin raw and my mind races through my day. I feel sick. Like a cold clammy hands on my shoulder and my urge to vomit edges closer. I turn off the shower and return broken to my bed an hour late I wish just for a night.. that I wasnt afraid