Paying My Dues, .

To be locked away in prison, was such a scarey thought, I've now been punished and accepted, it was all my own fault! I had spent the last year, in a shadow of my past, in denial of my loss, in hope our love would always last. I abused my body intoxicating, it helped me to remain numb, it's all I could do to keep going and still be around for my son. But one thing I have realised, a lesson I have learnt, is that all my troubles and worries, can be dealt with and now burnt. Living in that shadow, passing one day to the next, only blocked the pain and longing, It would never bring back my ex, It could never bring him back, or change what went wrong, detoxing my body helped me, to finally accept he had gone, Gone only to another place, but still always in my heart, I can look at our son and see Dan, we will never be apart. My time in prison opened my eyes and really made me see, from the stories of other inmates, there's a lot worse off than me, Being raped and abused as children, when they were in their prime, led them to turn to heroin, prostitution then murder the biggest crime! But deep down we are all no different, we just couldn't deal with pain, Its sad to hear the abusers, rarely got the blame. I have now rediscovered and found the real and normal me, prison has given me the perspective of how life should really be. I am now a better person, time away has made me see, the most important people in our lives are close friends and family. I will no longer take life for granted and face what's thrown at me, in the ways that I have learnt, when I am released and finally free. I will cherish every moment and appreciate those there for me, prison has made me realise, just how loved I can be. I wrote this poem on behalf of my little sister, she has encountered yet battled through, so much heartache and grief in the last few months.