Ode To the Failure of Modern Philosophy To Defeat Skepticism

Poor ol’ Pyrrho, he’s the hero Of my somber poetry: Couldn’t figure how to pick your Core beliefs with certainty. Bold Descartes, he got the party Started with his Cogito. Up popped Pyrrho (what a zero!), Said to think is not to know. Next, John Locke, he tried his luck; he Claimed true knowledge must appear By consensus of the senses, But just how, he wasn’t clear. David Hume, an ornery human, Stripped Sir Science of support. Just one reason he could seize on: Custom is our sheer resort. Kant, the strange one, said, now hang on; For what’s really real don’t fuss: Be content to just consent to What our minds make real to us. Lastly, Hegel scored a bagel With his dialectic ways: Synthesizing’s just surmising When you have no solid base. Oh, bewail their learned failure To make absolutely sure Of the theories man can fear he’s Welcomed with a false allure! As for poor ol’ Pyrrho’s moral, Which I think we should applaud: Don’t be blurtin’ that you’re certain— You are just a man, not God.