Ode to Be

Ode to Be I feel different from other people, Some say I am weird and strange, This endless striving to be accepted, Just leaves me disheartened and drained. I haven’t found God in the Bible, But your eyes say welcome home, At first I was still stuck in survival And could only relax being alone, My mind would often intrude. Like a shameless paparazzi, Sometimes clever and shrewd Sometimes hurtful and bitter Sometimes arrogant and rude. But when you look at me like that, I know I’m close to what I long for And at peace with the universe, from inside. Then even the anxiety and pain Seems to recede like the tide. When you enter my cold room I feel a warm light shine on me, I don’t know what freedom is But with you I feel strangely free. Your femininity like a natural fragrance Something I can sense like an anagram, Strong, but still as an ancient tree That wakens my sleeping Man. In my chest a beating drum, My heart singing And through tears, eyes that finally see. I don’t know what it is that your bringing But feel loved when you are with me. I don’t know how to write a love song But I am the notes and you are the melody, I am the door and you are the key. Your love gives me strength To be friends with the loneliness That used to keep me awake at night. I’m often intimidated by people Who criticise and say I’m not right, But with you by my side, Despair melts like snow. In the streets below, The sun starts to shine, Winter turns to spring, Yesterdays’ slippery ice Is today, lush green paths And birds start to sing. You are the lighthouse When I’m lost at sea, Even the noise of the crowds Sounds like music. when you are next to me. I’m not saying that you give Something I don’t already know, But when you are near, I feel a fresh breeze that blows And scatters all my fears And the dark heaviness of the clouds, Is released in cleansing rain, Washing away doubts And only gratitude remains. My body tells me what I need to know When I really listen -and trust And shows me how to let go Of should, ought and must. After all that we have been through I am so amazed and thank the Gods That I am so loved by you. Even when you are not here, Your potion works in my cells, Bringing life into the cobwebbed corners And filling my dried out wells. Bathing in the lake of your eyes, I wash away the dust of the past And often have a taste of paradise And something that will last. I dare to be naked, In the warmth of your gaze And the World doesn’t seem Such a strange and foreign place And I don’t feel so homeless anymore. When You laughed and kissed my nose I saw that before My windows were closed And I couldn’t really breathe, But avoided going outside Because I learned I could only be with people, By wearing a disguise. But now, with you in my heart I have a constant fire That burns all that is impure And I am not afraid to hide And feel much less insecure. I only need to think of you, And feel branches reaching for the skies, And roots growing deep into the Earth And often feel surprise Because it feels so easy to relax Into the joy of simply being alive And don’t need to cover my back – or face And can leave my fighters hands by my side. Sangeet Portals June 2023