Never delve deeper

When I look at the beautiful interaction of us two, looking from afar makes me laugh, and my eyes glassy. Everytime I step closer, my eyes will get teary. Somehow I smell the overpowering smell of roses, crossing my arms with their spikes not like before smelling nothing. I get reminded and need to stay still. When I get closer and still look up, my brain will start to twirl and make me fall, my fault. I noticed the heart beat increasing and my cheeks burning from warmth. Many times I have tried, tried to resolve. What if it was my fault? What if it hurts him too? Maybe it was just me.. When the questions made me approaching kinder, getting more confident and even serious saying:"don't intervine" There will always be a peak in my heart I can never cross. Not when life doesn't somehow shift and lets us stumble on eachother, you saying I am sorry even though you do not need to, and explaining why you did not answer, and ending up just being there while talking and meaning it. I don't care but if you want to hug, please let's hug. I don't care but if you want to talk about it longer, please let's talk about it longer. Since my mind is not dumb, and knows that you are not reacting back, that you are not mentally and physically there, then time can just heal my reactions and me, myself but not us. I can talk about it how much I want, ask you how much I want, slip a:"may I? Just-", what can I do when you turn around? I am not dumb. Acting like everything is alright or will be, it is just not true. It's alright that everytime I enter it does not always smell like the saturday morning like before and maybe we will get us in eachothers hair, but this is how it is. When you don't try to make us meet paths and just I do, I will force us both soffucate in the lake, and then wonder why my throat still hurts. I have enough screamed, I have enough talked. Sometimes I still might fiss back, did you notice? We long for something to be better, while nothing is there to approach you. Will you hold hands with the Wind or what? Where are you going? Hurting yourself deeper? When you turned to me and smiled, my cheeks burned and I started shaking my heart beating. I searched someone else to look at, saying:"I think that's is enough", while saying that seriously. My shyness and hurt breaks the facade, looking disorientated on the ground while saying that. Something what I 5 times overthought about. I will say this lastly, sorry that it came.