Living In a Toxic Bottle

black rotten salad shoved in between my lips It was always the poison or a kick in the hips I would’ve thrown it away but the witch caught my hand Took a fork and shoved it in; I still can’t understand Felt real sick all year with every expired munch Eleven school years that I never ate my lunch Curse words and disorders is all she ever named me Every hour out of school she would always blame me Underweight from malnutrition—still she body-shamed me Who was I in the past that caused this life to maim me? Holidays are days I wish would never exist Can’t sit for a minute and can’t fix what I missed Yells over nothing but her words add to the list Finds me in the bathroom slitting up my wrist Can’t understand my logic but won’t let me explain It’s like trying to air-dry towels in the rain No matter what cliff I climb the scenery’s the same It’s like having choices you can’t choose in her game Counselors always callin’ cuz the kids won’t stop snitchin’ And then they didn’t have to cuz the teachers saw it plain Always told em it's an accident, some bad fall in the kitchen But now the anger makes it hard to hide away the pain black rotten salad shoved in between my lips First I didn’t swallow but then I felt the kicks Sister watched by laughing and filming me too It felt like chewing fungi straight out of the loo Snot and tears ran down to season the greens Still to this day I wonder who was I in the past What did I do to history to be living under these means? Perhaps my clouds were meant to be overcast.