Life and Death In the Ladies League

Twas the night of the Ladies League Final and the atmosphere was tense Only two teams were competing, no loyalties allowed on the fence There could only be one winner, the team with strongest will And if you lost you were losers, and losing meant you were swill! The teams were made up of eight players, all with an aim straight and true Each woman stood there determined and each with their own point of view Still arguments were frequent and blood was often shed Only last week Blackout Bertha got smacked in the gob, now she’s dead! The marker called all to order, and with a toss of a coin they were off The Fiddler and Firkham Ladies verses the Wenches from ‘Th’owd Pig N Trough’ The Captain of the Firkham was called upon to name the player who was starting this dangerously ill fated game. She shouted ‘Hot Legs Hilda - will play for the Firkham pride’ she was the one who’d smacked Bertha, you know, the lass that had died! Well ripples ran though the public and scowls came across from the Trough But they sent out their best in ‘Fat Freida’ and suddenly the game was off! Hilda set a steady pace, with a one and a two, double three As she stepped back off the hockey she gave Frieda a stab in the knee But Freida was not to be mithered she went one, double two, double five And folks sitting round the ale tables thought, ‘We’ll none of us get out alive!’ It was plain to see from the offing that this match was doomed from the start As each woman rankled the other with poke or cough or a fart! Eventually the pair of them, understood that the game must be won And Frieda left Hilda three Arrows – her Captain said, ’This’ll be fun!’ Now Hilda was a psychopath who hated to lose, yes it’s true But what she did next took all by surprise; it came totally out of the blue She ambled across to her handbag and pulled out a crossbow of size And with that she let loose an arrow that hit Frieda right between eyes. You could have heard a pin drop as Freida lifelessly fell to the floor As her Captian straddled the bloodied corpse her face took on a look that was sore She turned to the Firkin’s Captain and said quite resigned and all meek ‘By Heck June not another – Oh well, same time, same place next week??’