Grief Compartments

You know that monitor that confirms the diagnosis of cardiac asystole, which is lack of electrical activity in the heart That's what your absence at first caused me to be I didn't know there was a name for the way I felt I just knew it was now something I would continuously have to face day in and day out until there was nothing left to think about I didn't get many choices with how to deal this nightmare from hell Even years after the initial heart shattering news I still find it hard to just be ok with the fact we lost you These days, I don't talk about you a lot But when I do, it still makes me angry and sad But I'm mainly hurt because it's been 881 days since you left, and I still feel just as bad It's a shame, but it's the truth I hate that I will forever just get to miss you You know that feeling when you are watching a movie or reading a book and looking forward to the ending and how that may look I don't You won't be there Your ending happened prematurely Because something bigger than us Needed your light a little early All the pictures I have of you, you look so young Those were years ago, and That's how you will be remembered for years to come But that hurts. Just the thought alone sucks. That's it There are no new pics. Just old ones that are collecting dust I hate these everlasting waves of grief I am trying to ride them, but somedays I just feel too weak. I only allow myself 10 minutes to weep. Then, it's back to compartmentalizing all this grief. I have faced it, well, 75% and I will continue to do so until the last breath from these lungs escapes my chest I have to choose to focus on living and not your death I will always take time to think about you, even if I need a box of tissues when I do. Love you forever, past the moon. I hope they love and appreciate you as much as the rest of us did here and do.