Fragile Concrete
I loved you
I lusted you
I needed you
I trusted you
I imagined you
I imagined you to a fault
I imagined you at the expense of your reality
I lived in duality
Love and lust
Lust and love
red flags ignored
seeking connection when lonely and bored
A person who is to many people an idol
I entertained you while Idle
and your games made me entertain suicidal,thoughts
idle mind is the devil's playground
I was in a weird place and in certain ways bound
red flags were waving at me, they shouted at me, screamed at me
your red flags were singing at me, i picked them up and danced with them
and told myself as long as i can have him
but he wasn't God sent he was sent by dark forces
to validate the negative voices
and to show me my wrong choices
his red flags and my red flags would play tag.
tag you're it
tag i love you
tag you're not
tag i want you
tag I need you
Tag you're it
now im done playing so i'll leave you
red flags,lust,feelings of love but nothing solidified
wondering if it's his fault
or was it my heart that lied?
all the red flags were there
yet we couldn't stay apart for too long
no more wonder what or where we went wrong
healing
elevating to ceiling
crying through the process
as i process
whatever lesson so it may then sprout forth as a blessing
and can open my sacred garden open to the right one
not one i entertained while suffering shame, and one who plays games
and i won't mention any names
because at the end of the day it's all about
self awareness and growth
and that is what gives me hope
taking accountability for my own choices to entertain
sunshine or rain,
heartache and pain
the good or the lame
its all one and the same
but grateful for the awareness
next chapter
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