Exhortations Against Ole Saint Nick

the (better late than never) free admission confession, exhortations against Ole Saint Nick treasured untold shenanigans of Santa, his elves and reindeer discovered only by colluding via "FAKE" fluke did I manage to worm winning the trust among Christmas elves and reindeer confident this generic guy, would never breach scandalous tidbits, into an underground impregnable air-raid shelter, the Motley Crue tied blindfold over my eyes, didst steer me hermetically sealed, which crawl space required me to hunker sound (cloud) proof bunker while ensconced (security detail munchkins, who just so happened tubby ***** minded entrance portal) only after getting the thumb up signal, whereat nose pies planted espionage surveillance devices the chief head honcho and attendants, Smoky and the bandits respectively, magically, and handily did appear and despite one hundred percent bug-free, a whispered stance opted just to make sure no unwanted eavesdropper could overhear plus every participant swore an oath, cuz any leaked real or “FAKE” information, would spell imminent demise to be near the upshot, sans grave emergency describing clandestine arraignment involving some rogue elf (most likely at least two), and a misbehaving reindeer (names withheld to avoid any spoiler alert), plus this entire kit and caboodle necessary to help Saint Nick got wind, (and subsequently reined in) a rave party with orgiastic sex, drugs and rock and roll that a band-aided elf(ves) laced with Pepper Minstix (anonymously hashtagged Sodom and Gomorrah) sullied pure as the driven snow repute, when aliasing Sugarplum Mary (“FAKE NAME”) detected snorting cocaine codenamed Alabaster Snowball, while additionally besmirching her virginity via coital cavorting amidst a Bushy Evergreen shaking as if frenzied with feverish boogie woogie flu which seductive, prurient, and master baiter friend zeed (spunky Gangnam style) Shinny Upatree which could slay Wunorse Openslae reputation as substance abusers, and sex offenders if not worse.