Equations

Every earlobe ever pierced, minus non-pierced lobes, without exception Quantified by head size, quality of piercings, and variety of earrings worn Under ultraviolet light, utilizing reflective space, sound waves and distance At appropriate intervals, measuring cut, clarity, carat, color and character Totaling to a six figure sum, then divided by US bonds withdrawn from IRA Increase the risk of screaming in agony, up to, but not more, than 50 decibels On an operatic stage, bursting glass objects, as per fat lady singing, wherein Numerical miscalculations of damage, therein, must be subtracted from the Sum, so that all of said variables will not exceed the confusion of the bystander. Written on 3/9/2016