Disturbia

I remember writing to you and apologzing for disturbing your life and putting a halt to your existence. Maybe it wasn't either of our time. I guess I am trying to still rationalize all this. Will you come back to me in another form? Have you already? Your brother is here. Is he our second chance? I hold his hands, please don't be upset. I kiss him and fall in love with his sweet eyes. Are you in there somewhere? Can you see mommy? It just hit me, you were so very real. I was so stupid. I would of combed your hair and put lotion on your little body. Who would you have looked like? I am trying to come to some understanding with all this. Not everyone could see it for what it is, but you are still my baby. God has you right? You are safe, I know it. I guess I want you to be in your brother so bad. Let him remember you and tell me all about you. I remember how fast I try to forget, But I forgot how fast memories could come back. It's amazing. I am beyond apologetic -- and was very selfish. I cannot believe that my mind was so corrupted that I thought that it was okay. I love you my little baby, don't stay gone forever. Love, Mommy