Damages and Diseases of the Swinging Pendulum Mind: Part Three
Let you be
I don’t want to hurt you
I don’t want to
I don’t
I don’t
I’m so sorry
I’m so scared
I’m scarred
I’m scared
I’m sorry
You’re always so great to me
Always
Always
I’m nothing but trouble to you
Nothing but impending pain and torture
Grief and Sorrow
Nothing good
Nothing good
I am so very sorry
I’m sorry that I cling to you as a life line
That I can’t be strong on my own
Like a helpless child I look to you
I’m pathetic
Useless
Horrible
I say I’m here for you
Yet…am I really?
Or do I just think I am
Do I just believe that I help you half as much as you do me,
But in reality just make things worse
I can’t decide
I can’t think
The pendulum swings faster
The ocean tides rise once again
I’m drowning in my own doubt
I’m drowning in my own paranoia
And then there you are
Ready to dive in and pull me from the tortures
From the ever changing fragments of my mind
But you still get hit
By a deadly wave
By the pendulum
And you’re brought down
Why do you continuously help me
When I just continuously bring you down
You could easily just let me drown
You could easily leave me be and save your own sanity
But you do not
You are not like them
The people who have left me to be buried
You are different
You are an angel
You save me time and time again
And I just wish I could save you
I wish I could let you go
So you no longer were punished by me
So you could be happy
Because when you are happy
I am happy
I feel you
I feel what you go through
How much I haunt you
How I torment you
And if I could just release you from that
I know you’d be better
So much better without me
Without my damaged mind
But I can’t
I can’t
I am too selfish
I can’t let you go
I’d drown
I’d die
The pendulum swings faster
Faster
The waves grow
The tides get higher
Higher
Crashing
Crashing
And then…
Your hand reaches mine
And everything eases
I can’t let you go
I should
But I can’t
I never will be able to
I’m too scared too
And I’m sorry
So very sorry
I’m too selfish
I’m sorry
Copyright © Rebecca Larkin | Year Posted 2012
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