Crystal Eyes

Sitting on a stack of old portraits Feeling like an ill fated king, destined to be dethroned Lonely and long since forgotten At least that’s the narrative my mind conjures up Whether it breathes truth, as always A matter of an opinion Running has always been as real Real as running water is true for survival Beautiful soul, I say back to this voiceless photo Why did I ever run from you What was so pent up, a self hatred burning What was so twisted out of shape That in your presence, lashing out at myself proved so easy Seeming like the right thing to do Why didn’t I promise to love you more than I ever could Why did I choose to banish you from me And why did I let you agree without a fight But I was just a kid Maybe I was scared, I was just a kid Maybe I let the state I was in get the best of me I was too soft for Georgia, hindsight is 20/20 now I wasn’t fit for Georgia, it made me grow faster than I was ready to I was fit for you, you saw it too But I guess distance would’ve never agreed to move What was I supposed to do I was a kid, 15 to my age No dollar to my name 7 months, if internet allowed, internet dates is how we lived Staying up until sleep told us we couldn’t stay We still tried to stay Why am I even talking about this now You’ve gone away We’re so different, we grew apart Do you even remember my name Dear my once Oktober Rose Do you remember our songs at all The nights we sang along How the world was at our backs The world the oyster and you the pearl How you would stare at me with those crystal eyes Shining like brilliantly like twilight Now the image ruined from a promiscuous phrase I don’t hate you, yes I miss you We hurt each other back and forth I doubt if I found you, you’d talk back We’d be at each other’s throats again Or clamoring for distant words again Awkward silence swarming the room as you drown me out for music and cigarettes for two While I sit here and mope once again to the silence of music one more This isn’t a masterpiece, this isn’t good for me To think of you on this night even to commit to a theme To commit to a purpose To get out buried feelings to never resurface after this week At least that’s the narrative my brain gives What does my heart say “Find her, tell her you miss her” We’ll see what the week brings She’ll never accept me We parted ways, we’re so different now “She has a part of you” She’ll always have a part of me What do you want me to do “Talk to her” I will never, there’s a million reasons not to “So why are you writing about her” I have 10 reasons to ‘What’s the first” Oktober Rose, my former I miss you I miss you and staring into your once crystal eyes I miss you and want you to smile for me one more time Brighten my day one more time Don’t fake it for me, please One more time, just this once If you don’t return my heart, don’t return my spark Honor one last request Smile for me like you used to