Cry baby cry

Cracks in the heart unhealed from the break before. Pleading for any form of affection. Craving to be desired by you once again. Feeling sick in my mind so unhealthy. Truely sorry for coming accross as argumentative, just wanting to express what was killing me that you couldn't see. I'm pushing you away and I'm scared because I'm trying so hard not to. I'm unintentionally destroying us and I know I'm to blame. I don't blame you for wanting to run but I just want to hold you a little longer. I want to open my self to you but I'm so ing scared. To be vulnerable again. I'm dying inside and no one sees it, they see the grumpy, angry side of the sadness that protects not only me but everyone, because when I cry people run, stop crying, why do you cry so much. All I want to say is I destroy everything I come in contact with. I'm so ing busted that I don't know if I can truely ever be fixed. Since as long as I can remember everyone said she cries to much. Maybe it's cause I love to much. Maybe it's because I care so ing much that I will allow myself to hurt so that I can show you how I want to feel loved. I will exhaust myself for those of you I love even if it means I lay in bed and cry at night asking myself why I can't feel.that back. Maybe they do. Maybe I'm just not reachable. Maybe I'm ment to be alone in a place where it's only me and my thoughts and the silence that fills the room. Because that's all it's ever been for me thoughts, and silence. Because when the talking ends I'm back to questioning myself. Questioning if I'm worth any amount of anyone's effort. I just want to know why I was created to just ing hurt and cry. Someone please tell me why. Please.