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Christmas Shopping

There is no rhyme nor reason For Christmas shopping season Only during this season do you find out things you never knew Like 80 year old women get football scholarships to BYU An old man saw a dress that was just his wife’s style So he tackled the woman holding it in the third aisle A daddy bought Elmo to give his child some joy A nun said I got a gun, so hand over the toy It isn’t bad enough that someone’s stepping on your toes But she’s letting her kid pull off Rudolph’s nose Then I hear Santa saying ha ha ha hee hee hee Because ho ho ho isn’t politically correct you see Now I’m fuming, if there was a fire I’d fan it I began to wonder if I was on the right planet A little old lady put a bruise on my face Then smiled at me so I sprayed her with mace No one can imagine the way I felt Until I put some mistletoe on the back of my belt One thing for certain next year I’ll try To do my Christmas shopping in July.

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Kristin Reynolds

Date: 12/31/2008 2:16:00 AM

Just wanted to come thank you for your comments on bi-polar, I know just what you mean, as the experts tell my my young son is bi-polar (as well as being gifted with extreme adhd - i know what 0-60 looks like!) :) My husband has severe depression and bi-polar as well, so it's very emotional around here, much of the time...but I look at them as gifts, very difficult, but worthy gifts - tools for the soul. Thanks Vince, love, Kristin

Lisa Cooper

Date: 12/30/2008 7:57:00 PM

well must be some truth in this one cause it happened just that way for me at christmas shopping time lol great pen

Sean Kelly

Date: 12/30/2008 6:48:00 AM

Well done , Vince , you've nailed it BANG-ON , as usual ..... like the " back o the belt" bit.... Must remember that for next year !!!! Keep thee well and best wishes to you and all yours for 2009 ... Sean .

Debbie Guzzi

Date: 12/29/2008 12:44:00 PM

Your poem above is very funny. I particulary liked the line""until I put some mistletoe on the back of my belt" The melody for Wondrous Night By Debbie Guzzi can be heard here with the original lyrics & as just instrumentation. www.youtube.com/watch?v=HEt2XdN_TbQ - 114k - Similar pages http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HEt2XdN_TbQ

Michael Degenhardt

Date: 12/29/2008 5:38:00 AM

Either in July or online. Love the humor here, but sadly some of these things can and have happened. Very well written my friend. Michael

John Heck

Date: 12/28/2008 9:07:00 AM

LOL! This was great, Vince! That's why I always order my gifts online. Loved the...mistletoe on the back of my belt line...I hope the other readers understood the pun. LOL! Hope you and you family enjoyed a blessed and loving CHRISTmas. Have a Happy & Healthy New Year. Peace always, John

Amy Swanson

Date: 12/26/2008 10:28:00 AM

haha I love this, sounds like Christmas shopping to me for sure!! LOL I loved the mistletoe part! Thanks so much for the congrats :) and hope you had a nice holiday. God bless, Amy :)

Fritz Purdum

Date: 12/25/2008 2:33:00 PM

Love your wit and humor-good poem. Thank you for the kind words, Fritz

Lawrence Ingle

Date: 12/24/2008 8:24:00 PM

That's the Best Christmas humor message I've ever read..and oh so true...The mistletoe's is the best! You got that one down pat...I'm still laughing...Loved it trememdously..I'll be trying to come up with something funny myself...but that one won't even come close to being beat...Loved it...Loved it...Loved it...LOL..Lawrence in Lou.Ky.

John Rhinem

Date: 12/24/2008 10:12:00 AM

"MERRY CHRISTMAS VINCENT SUZADAIL JR. & ALL YOU LOVE *^-^* MAY IT BE FILLED WITH BLESSINGS OF HAPPINESS & JOY THAT SHALL LAST YOU YOUR ENTIRE LIVES THROUGH~AND~MAY THE GRACE OF HEAVENS LIGHT FOREVER SHINE UPON YOU~WITH LOVE BEYOND ALL BOUNDS~FOREVER~JOHN!"~"MERRY CHRISTMAS!"

Mike Samford

Date: 12/24/2008 6:07:00 AM

Much fun Vince -Marry Christmas!

Abraham L

Date: 12/23/2008 11:17:00 PM

I love this one full of humor, and yes it can be hectic at christmas time. just the poem for the season i shall read more of your poems . happy holidays

Frank F. Atanacio

Date: 12/23/2008 5:54:00 PM

LOL I needed this shot thanks so much

John Loving Iii

Date: 12/23/2008 12:16:00 PM

wow this is you vince? mistletoe and all? great rhyming. John H loving III

Elaine George

Date: 12/20/2008 8:01:00 AM

Vince, YOU CRACK ME UP. Haven't laughed so hard in long time. I love the line where Santa says HEe!Hee!Hee! Too funny!!!! I hope you don't mind, but I am going to read this Christmas Eve to the whole family. My family have a great sense of humor. They will love it. Lainie

Robin L. Gass

Date: 12/18/2008 4:56:00 AM

Awesome write! Gave me my first good laugh today. Mistletoe placement is perfect. Stores are absolutely frightening this time of year. Wishing you and yours a wonderful holiday season! Love Robin

Robyn Blauw

Date: 12/17/2008 4:37:00 AM

PS,,, Hope you and yours have a great Christmas and I hope you managed to get home with some Mace left. HO HO HO

Robyn Blauw

Date: 12/17/2008 4:35:00 AM

Well Vince,,,,,,if I shut my eyes and see your words in action,,,, while I shake my head in disbelief at the nun with the gun and the man in the third isle, I can laugh at Santa, but I wont kiss you under the mistletoe!!!!!!! A very clever write.

Sue Mason

Date: 12/16/2008 3:30:00 PM

There you go, you'd be surprised at how many LOLadies have known that for years ... smile ... the presents sit on a shelf and all you have to do is wrap them and avoid the mall manglers ... hope your holidays are warm, wonderful and '09 is a great year for you and yours, my friend!!

Michael Jordan

Date: 12/16/2008 10:43:00 AM

Hi Vince - Vince please allow me to apologize for taking so long to get back to you - I wish you and those you love a Merry Christmas and a very happy new year - Got to watch them old ladies bro keep your mace charged and close at hand - You crack me up - God Bless, MJ

Juliane Thomas

Date: 12/14/2008 9:57:00 AM

This is why I do what little shopping I can afford online instead of going out into the madness! Great description of the holiday fray! Thank you so much for your comments on my poem "Lament of the Philosopher's Hound". You're right, dogs are a lot nicer most of the time. ~Juliane

Heidie Buys

Date: 12/13/2008 8:06:00 AM

Can so relate, think I will just take the easy way out and go the gift card route. Good one Vince. Regards Heidie

Keith Bickerstaffe

Date: 12/12/2008 1:05:00 PM

Thanks for your generous response Vince... I am most grateful! Happy Holidays to you too! Keith

Keith Bickerstaffe

Date: 12/12/2008 8:19:00 AM

...or do internet or catalog shopping... store shopping is a two-edged sword... either you go home full of the joy of Christmas, or ya waan kick everybody's ass! Great piece Vince! Best wishes, Keith

Autumn Rose Wood

Date: 12/12/2008 7:49:00 AM

Ha Ha Ha...wait....Ha Ha Ha Okay, still laughing, but I can write now. So good. Thanks for sharing this. Love your rhyme and dipiction of the ridiculusness(sic) of the commericalism(sic) of Christmas.