Choices

Im the last one picked Im not the person that is chosen first Ive learned how to get by Just by hearing bits and pieces of the conversation Im not the one chosen to share the recesses of someone elses mind with Im not the person who is kept in the loop Im the last one invited Im the one who sees the adventures that others have And wonder why I don’t have those with other people Everytime I think I’ve found somewhere to belong There’s a crack in my head that dark whispers breath out pain You dont actually matter to them Theyre just too nice to turn you down And I fight them I try and I try But then something happens The belonging that I think Ive found goes and finds a better fit They find that someone makes them laugh more That someone understands their struggles better That someone is more comforting to be around And they dont tell me they just stop bringing me around Im okay not being the only choice but Im never the choice Im trying to figure out what Im doing wrong But the people who I am around tell me Youre fine Dont worry Then go and pick someone else over me But I dont mind because Ive never been the one with the choices I see again and again The choices I make never choose me Theres always a better option A tighter fit Something brighter But I want to be the choice sometimes And I feel selfish for trying to say it I dont want to sound childish or whiney But I dont know how to explain I cant stop feeling like this I know where I stand And that spot that I stand Is watching everyone else make choices And me getting left with the scraps