Chaz Or Chaste

Midterms are over and I killed ‘em (Yes, even physics) - yeah me! I spent the last two weeks like prisoners do, marking off days until - freedom. Now the pressure’s off and I can chill. Spring break starts tomorrow and I have NO plans. It’s dinnertime and we’re (Leong, Sunny, Lisa and I) in the Commons dining hall, celebrating, with bacon-cheeseburgers and fries (Leong’s a cheeseburger junkie). Lisa Turned to Sunny, “What songs are playing in your ears today?” “I’m looping "Good Riddance" by Gracie Abrams - which might be a little gay for you.” “Sunny and I were discussing that earlier,” I chirped in, “especially ‘Amalie’ (the song).” “Gracie’s not dating that *guy* anymore? Lisa asked. “She broke up with him,” Sunny said. “AGAIN?” Lisa gasped. “Yeah, she broke up with him for good, a few months ago,” Sunny reported. “I thought that they got back together.” I said, trying to remember my Teen Vogue gossip. “Nope,” Leong said, stealing one of my fries, “saw it on ‘the shade’ (theshaderoom)” “Wait, wait, Blake Slatkin - or a new boy?” Lisa asked, holding up her hand like we’re in class. Sunny laughs, “Anyway, Gracie isn’t DATING a girl but in that song she’s like, ‘where did you go Amalie, I’m crushing on you.” “Amalie..” Leong said, searching for a last name. “Amalie Homin,” I said, “That’s what I heard, but I don’t know it on my own.” “Ooo! Speaking of carols,” Lisa said, nodding towards the main entrance. Leong and I had our backs to the door but we swiveled discreetly as a girl I’ll call “Monique” (I’m not doxing anyone) walked in with a group of her entourage-like friends. My roommates and I, being young, single and curious girls - have ongoing chaz or chaste debates - where we judge people (quietly, in a non-mean-girl way, amongst ourselves), to be either chaz or chaste - based on their general sex appeal, style and swagger. A chaz is a playa’, someone who everyone wants (sexually) and who’s probably “sactive” - a chaste, is a wannabee, a poser who’s trying hard but is probably “involuntarily abstinent.” A big, beefy, but not overly attractive football player would draw a “chaste,” “chaste,” “chaste,” while, say, a tall, dark, handsome physicist would earn a “chaz,” “chaz,” “CHAZ!!” Monique, who’s studying marketing (school of business), is an over-tha-bridge black girl from Jamaica who was once in a band that had some low-level success. As we watched her strut across the room, I brought the question to Sunny. Monique’s fem-facing, as is Sunny, so Sunny’s the expert on-hand, “Do you think Monique’s a chaz?” I state my case, talking softly, “Monique walks around campus wearing a t-shirt with her **own** picture on it, under a blazer,” I s, derogatorily, “being like, all these es want me.” Sunny gasps, “How DARE you call smart, modern, lesbian women es!” She laughs. “All these lovely ladies, these rad, sapphic-gals really want me.” I amended. “It’s farcical, isn’t it? I repeated, fashion-aghast. “Wearing a t-shirt with your own picture on it - like you’re a rockstar.” I put the ultimate question to Sunny: “Is she actually pulling any veejay like that?” “You doubt she’s pulling any strong, empowered women?” Sunny asked back rhetorically. Sunny rolled the question over in her mind and declared, shrugging, “She’s a chaz. It works - for the gays, hundo-p.” “Hard to believe,” I admitted, shrugging in the face of Monique’s sheer tackiness. We watched the strange group leave, loaded down with goodies, like pirates who came and looted the area. . . Slang… sactive = sexually active a carol = a hot, irresistible girl over-tha-bridge = average looking fem-facing = a lesbian hundo-p = 100% *“chaz or chaste” was invented by a couple of fem DJs on WYBC, Yale student radio.