Bacon Butty Rant

Why are all these hash slingers Constantly there on my TV? When did the ability to cook Become reason for celebrity? Eating for me is just like Shovelling coal on a fire, Just adding fuel to keep Your energy levels higher. It’s a bonus if it tastes good, An even bigger bonus still If it quietly does that and, More importantly, doesn’t kill. As for that fine dining lark, Fashion apparently demands They poke and finger it about but Seldom seem to wash their hands. I’m just a lower class peasant But one thing I loath and hate Is having to send my food back To be properly served on a plate. And as for the prices they charge, Why are those in the catering trade Constantly quoted in statistics as Some of the lowest of the low paid. I really don’t wish to be seen as Pouring insults upon insults But shouldn't these foodie quirks be Confined between consenting adults. Give me a roadside burger van. You can almost guarantee it’s clean For sure as heck a Food Inspector Will not too long ago have been. See a bunch of parked lorries And your checking is complete Had it been below our standard They’d have voted with their feet. So, you compile your list of Good honest eating places And in time come to recognise Some well known familiar faces. A quick greeting as you slip in Courteously switch off the phone And get ready to join in with The latest rant or moan. A bucket full of coffee, A bacon butty in hand And well before it’s time to go Solve the problem of the land.