Attempts At Lifelong Friendships and Holy Matrimony

Introduction: once again I incorporate my trademark penchant to fabricate fictitiously portions of the following poetic endeavor can you care to discern fact from fiction? Attempts at lifelong friendships and holy matrimony... Shot thru with figuratively cankerous nub, cuz yours truly did flub even though as a scouting cub how yours truly - alias Phil Anderer committed faux paw unlike me papa bear, he set admirable example sidestepping and skirting carnal temptation, (testes one... two...; testes one... two...) squelching roaring testosterone against succumbing, rutting, quieting call of the wild desire meaning inevitably envisioning seducing, mounting, kissing, caressing... receptive quite pleasing gals, nonetheless merely fending off such verboten enticement left him panting. Think surrendering to playful kibitizing as kickstarter to hanky panky; said violation against matrimonial covenant, thwarting potential indiscretion subsequently linkedin with Capital one aplomb. I never bore witness seeing me dada caught in sexually compromised contretemps to any aforementioned high fidelity hubbub, yet his sole male offspring (me) begat courtesy Harriet and Boyce, (but one minor tidbit to share, neither father nor mother physically alive they long since passed away to Elysian Fields) found their one and only son - nada faithful blithely nixing pledged troth, which rent asunder filial bond between self and precious progeny plus provoked wrathful ire and eventually forgiving soul of thee missus, nevertheless her heartfelt initial fury at discovery of absent husband from Bryn Mawr quarters didst activate pulse to throb considerably faster and louder than usual subdued lub dub and even at present when daring to discuss mine moonlighting one night tryst as Casanova wannabe, which hard drive of mine generated message Abort, Retry, Fail? Though willy never freed flagellated empowered gamete sea men despite libido being shifted to high gear; sexual intercourse never consummated, nor coital orgasmic bliss experienced much less allowed, enabled and provided ditto the recipient of mine adulterous affections. Far fetched fanciful whim (hard to believe) fallacy complicity, excitedly, and willfully following imaginative thought, though following whim never expressed, but how rousing, spellbinding, tantalizing the thought of foreplay exciting, fondling, goading receptive flirtatious paramour, an alluring mistress of color to attempt and strategize my abduction as random human trafficked heist held prisoner until an undisclosed sum of ransom money delivered to the captors. The wife ofttimes references taboo subject regarding aborted love affair (alluding to side piece as underhanded gibe) upon being probed, questioned, and raked over figurative coals with intimate queries. These mild interrogations trigger a sudden uptick in voluminous silence; tick tock transpires soundlessness spikes male level lent rub, between one once randy husband and grateful wife; she exhibited forgiveness; how virtuous ma lady accepting spouse, which whole frisky fiasco (on a Freaky Friday) fostered felicitous flagrante delicto induced reciprocal black barbs upon psyches their paternal parent inflicted. Although antics unbecoming monogamous kickstarted, declared, and avowed essentially compromising legally binding union long since ceased (matter of fact yesterday April 21st, 2022 me and the missus went shopping at BJ's. Whole Club 200-C Mill Rd, Oaks, PA 19456), the psychological fallout still indelibly etched. Tumultuous emotions roiled driving past long gone home of me childhood 324 Level Road no longer exists, yet chuckful of memories flooded mine consciousness flashback triggered gamut of existential trials and tribulations. As a youngster behavior of yours truly (i.e. mine) never purportedly "bad" rather reserved, I gave no indication then how such a cute beastie boy when becoming acculturated within loving family provenance versus disaster later married life evinced displayed, exhibited, and flaunted characteristics antithetical, diabolical, heretical, and piratical (so much for hyperbole) par excellence of an exemplary cad, a most definite poor example and embarrassment of one good for nothing dad to two adorable daughters, who deserved better egad myself as basket of deplorable father figure in retrospect me not glad carrying on illicit affair trying to compensate while cultivating the row (elle) regarding husbandry during and post pubescence never going out on date, nor kissing an attractive lass, when poet of Perkiomen Valley scores of years ago besotted with anguish extremely, governed as introvertedly, and painfully shy lad, (he knew nothing about powder milk biscuits) and more or less describes himself during his adolescence as a "wallflower" self deprivation concerning experiencing life, liberty, and pursuit of happiness found aging logophile mad at himself missing out on typical social/interpersonal casual forays donned in fashionable dungarees and plaid fast forward to mein kampf as unhappily wed whereby hours spent (rather wasted) posting and answering personal classifieds for female assignations numbering well into bajillions in other words quite a scad only countless lunar months ex post facto did sincere regret prevail mooch more'n a tad; dalliances involving barenaked ladies costing inxs of any legal tender wad.