At My Dad's, Thinking About Her

Salty glass eyes, Thimbles brimming with summer-leaf green poison stare back at me. A stare chilled subzero. I, of course, imagine this stare is a defense mechanism to hide her troubles. I imagine a glimmer of light that luminates from her bust. This is the sliver of false hope I allow to stay under my skin, till it should infect my blood; and drain me, turn my skin to paste. I must banish this harpy on my own. I crave nicotine; the soothing sickness, greater than a mother's love; to watch my irridiant clouds form an immaculate wart in space; feel the grip of the nails in my back loosen, and the fingers that clench me melt, drip off me, vaporize as the drips hit the floor. I crave Adderall, my favorite legal amphetamine; I want to feel the particles as they crush under my spoon; my blood jets through my body. My body jtters like electroshock aftermath. I want to feel the smooth powder as I draw it up my nose, and it slithers down my throat. Oh, sharpness; Oh, clarity of mind. I'm more sociable; maybe I'll meet someone new. No matter; she could love my best friend, and I'll love them both tonight. I come down; questions of life and its worth engorge me. My heart cramps. My inner child leaves to play with someone better. I decide I'm worthless and should die; but, I've not the guts to do it. I crave heroin. Snorted it before, but that's not enough. I want my man to tie a belt around my bicep, pull it tight, watch the veins pop from my forarm; so eager they are. Drain-up a near lethal dose. Metal dips under flesh, penetrates my bloodstream. A ferocious ****** circulates through my system. I no longer care if she cares or not. I care not if I die; at least it'll be in peace. The bombs drop The rockets exchange. Self-induced extinction, and my mind is smooth. Seems she had good reason; though, I will miss he raven hair, the way it swayed over me, how soft it felt when i held it in my fist. I will miss her strong thighs, how they felt wrapped around me; how her perfect chest felt against mine. I suppose an extra meal, a chocolate chip cookie, or two, and a caffine buzz, followed by a handful of Melatonin will have to do.