Annoyances

Annoyances One of the first things to go is that never appreciated tactile proficiency. The ability to find the car keys in an overstuffed bag. Close your eyes. Tell me if it’s a raisin or a kumquat. Tying my shoes is not so troublesome as is the re-tying of them. I’m back to being the kid whose shoe laces untie themselves. Decaffeinated coffee sets me on edge. So does going to a steak house and ordering chicken. The worm in the Tequila bottle. The have a nice day sign at the entrance to the rehab. People with “Bluetooth” thingies stuck in their ears trouble me. Time was the guy waving his arms and talking to himself was a sign you should cross the street and not make eye contact. Texting, if you want to send me a letter please put it in the mail and let the nice Post Office people deliver it. If you wish to talk to me please call or stop by for coffee. Directions annoy the hell out of me. They are usually written by someone who never tried to put the damn thing together using their directions. The GPS lady really bugs me. I’d rather get lost than badgered by her recalculating tone. Kayakers who paddle over and ask me how the fishing is today make me want to torpedo their boat. Popcorn really bugs me. Ice cream head rushes, forks touching that filling, small toys in my shoes, and being old annoy me. So I get even. My mantra is simple. Places to go. People to annoy. John G. Lawless 2/10/2013 Submitted to Things that Annoy Me contest