According To Gump

Ken Mattingly is mad about being cut from the Apollo 13 crew - now no one will see his zero-gravity backflip until a later time, by then no one will care. Tom Hank’s Luna capsule spins out of control; ever since the Da Vinci Code he has been wrestling with his inner demons. Gravity has put a few pounds on George Clooney no one notice, as he gracefully spins around the space junk of a starry firmament. The Redcoats attack, and his son is taken. He runs through the woods tomahawk and musket akimbo. Mel Gibson is not ideal for the part, but sober 18th century Indian fighters are hard to find. Lord Cornwallis has lost his pet dogs and will soon lose Virginia - he will miss his dogs. The movie star is on fire. Denzel has gone ape-s...t, he thinks the little girl is dead, but she has a long career ahead of her. The Last of the Mohicans have built a casino in Connecticut, and are now living in Hollywood. The soon to be legless Lt. Dan is absolutely not a loser according to Gump. Gump, like many Americans could not find Mexico City on a map. Gary Sinise does his backflip as crowds of Mexicans look to the heavens watching alien spaceships perform their well-documented fly-by.