A Word You Never Knew

I read through pages of old lines, cruel, loving, tender, cold. I should be searching for weapons, to use against you in the courtroom - but I dont have to search. Each line before me tells another story, of how stupid, how foolish, how blind I was, to your abuse, your resentment, and the truth is you never loved me, I was just a doll to beat around. My love pours out to you in paragraphs, I beg you again and again to love me one more time, I apologize that I am not perfect, that I made you angry once again, I apologize for you making me hate myself. How could I have ever thought there was love? You accuse me, belittle me, threaten me, and I return with my tail between my thighs, begging for your touch, for one more night. My weapons are everywhere, in crossed lines of you denying my son, tormenting my heart, threatening my life, you play games that are so obvious now, I can not believe how blind I was, how infatuated, how obsessed I was with your love. Love - I believe thats a word you never knew.