A Forever Recovering Addict

The door opens. And a shadow looms. That’s the one! A hand is given. Paper, metal, plastic. It’s all the same. Its all as grand as the other. Desperation does not discriminate. Nor greed, nor desire, nor hunger. All is welcome! A bright light leads the way. I look ahead. Below the shield lay not poison, but medicine. It tastes terrible. But I take it. The light goes out and darkness looms. This medicine is harsh! It tastes terrible. It is hard to take. But I take it. For it supports me. It gives me power, strength and ability. The ability to both survive and strive. As I consume each dose, it hits me. The hard blow consumes me. I lay down bare, still and let it absorb me. It runs through my body, inside my body. But this medicine is not good. For the moment it gives me what I need. In the long term, the side effects are too much to bear. I must quit. But how? By now the addiction ravishes me. It both heals me and destroys me. That’s it, cold turkey. I quit. In the shower I crawl. To drown my misery and wash away my sins. It is the longest shower of my life! No matter how hard I scrub, No matter how much soap I use, No matter how clean and shiny I look. And no matter how fresh and rosey I smell, I look in the mirror and remember the addiction I once had. But I was right. I did not need that medicine. That medicine made it easy and quicker for me to treat myself. But I was right. I did not need that medicine. For without it, it was in deed slower. But I was was strong. Paper, metal, plastic. It’s all the same. It might not be as grand, But…. Paper, metal, plastic. The basic elements are still there. The mirror shows my reflection. The addict I once was. No matter how much it helped me, Without it I am strong and healthy. I feel strong. I feel healthy. I survived.