People
I have lost more people than I ever had in the last year. I lost all of my childhood and school friends, I lost touch with people I had been working with, mostly in stem, and some I had tried making friends with, in camps and I lost every single person I had ever tried opening up to. I tried mixing in some very different circles and I realized you really can not make friends in haste no matter how desperate you are.
The second your thought processes start clashing, you will find yourself unable to match their energy and the effort to still be a part of that circle is bound to take its toll on you. It can make you feel not worthy enough or just incapable or emotionally withdrawn over time.
Some days can be disappointing, and some might make you feel a little hopeless but those are days you will learn to stand up for yourself, to brace yourself and to let yourself be. The sooner you realize the importance of letting yourself free from the very restraints you have set for yourself, the better you will be. Not just because your being would be breathing freely but also because you will be more in touch with your body and mind and that will allow you to streamline your surroundings to create the best environment for you.
Phones and social media can be especially distracting if you are trying to find peace with yourself. It has almost become a reflex for us to keep checking our phones for maybe that one notification and those can easily send you down a spiral of guilt, confusion, and sometimes even self-hatred. Things like jealousy and under-confidence can stem from those and from my personal experience, it can definitely undermine your progress on healing yourself. We have been told to sideline and to ignore our traumas and to keep moving forward as if nothing has happened. As humans, we tend to avoid things we are not entirely comfortable with but I believe we need to keep pushing ourselves until we get to the root cause of all our thoughts whether they be our happiest or the worst. It is equally important to celebrate smaller things, to take out time for yourself to recuperate, physically and mentally.
I missed out on almost every important deadline this year and I did not push myself for that. I tried letting things go and being okay with it. It was a rejuvenating experience overall. I was happy with the ones I could make it to.
I have been trying to give myself a break and it was kind of hard since I had absolutely no clue what to do. But the past month, I have been trying to focus on myself instead of others. Having recently graduated high school, I am trying to figure out what I want from my college experience and how do I want it.
It is a long road ahead but I have learnt how important it is to pause but make the right decisions the hard way. I wish myself the best for this journey and to everyone reading this, explore as much as you can while alive.
Cheers !
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