Nearly is Like Nothing
Two Nigerians, Paschal and Chidiebere, met in their late teens. They had attended different secondary schools at two locations from each other far-flung. Paschal’s was at Calabar and Chidiebere’s at Aba. Neither of the two could catch the accepted five credits for University Admission. Paschal had rather perched on the lowest credit in English while Chidebere had sailed through in Mathematics but also with the lowest credit. Thus, the following year’s School Certificate Exam saw both of them nosing around the nearest bank at Aba for enrolment as external candidates. And at the bank they had run into each other, shortly after Paschal’s separation from Calabar to join an aunt resident in Aba.
It was, by chance, Chidiebere initiated their familiarization. He had acted on the friendly impulse that goes with one noticing that another had appeared at a venue, usually an office or bank, for the same object. Simply, Chidiebere could not resist the urge to strike up a conversation with Paschal just to register the point that both of them were birds of a feather. Shameless Paschal, by one year The Younger, did not hesitate to admit to his secret strong distaste for advanced academic studies, citing his unimpressive exam scores as his authority if things worked out the way he had planned, he would soonest seek a white collar job with his O’ Level Credits.
“I’m sure they’re all fully blind who think The Campus fits me” Paschal dropped for his newest friend…
Older Chidiebere was of the same frame of mind. He, too, would seek and hopefully find a desk job after bettering his credits in the-about-to-be- registered exams…
And bettered their credits, both teenagers did in the taken papers thereby scaling the O’ Level hurdle! Prayer number one answered and granted! The two had earned Seven and Eight Credits respectively, with Chidiebere as owner of the finer result. Prospects of their Second Prayer securing an answer as well began to look bright, when their application letters for employment in a bottling company were being processed. Eventually, they were sent by post the treasured Letters of Appointment, with what was left the two youngsters’ formal indication of their acceptance of the offer in writing so as to qualify for their Letters of Notification of Appointment complete with information about Initial Salary, Rank and Conditions of Service. Only Paschal bothered to consider this, hurrying his decision! Chidiebere, who had heard from the grape vine that he would not be earning a penny more than N20,000.00 monthly began to have a rethink.
“Nothing wrong about skirting round town for a job of at least N25,000.00.”
So hopeful was Chidebere about clinching one that he bided his time. Then, looming discouraging pictures of the office duties he would be performing hours on end on her premises killed his still-clinging interest in it.
As it turned out, for one full year, it was Paschal who had kept returning to base with N20,000.00 on every twenty-eighth day of a month, from the amount casually but courageously saving N5,000.00 each month. At first, Chidiebere could not sense the unsmiling difference between him and Paschal property-wise, until he paid him a long held-off visit and was ushered into a room with Color TV, Electric Fan, Video CD, Mini-Size Fridge and Nice Wall Paintings.
“No. Obviously not the same as my sparsely furnished room of two plastic chairs and a mattress!”
To Chidiebere, all these actually meant going back to school for the Tertiary Stuff! On air, Nigeria’s Exam Board for University Programs had announced a progressing enrolment for the 2018/2019 Academic Year, urging entrants to show up at her nearest Zonal Office or cybercafé for details. Then, came the exams and Chidiebere was torn with the excitement of soon answering an undergraduate after The Board’s Computerized marking of the results.
Just seven days into a new month and an examination conducted late last month was ready for views and receipt by affected entrants.
“What! Can they have finished compiling the results?” asked Chidiebere, rapidly worrying his mind for an answer or for a coolant to his fear. While he needed a speeded-up release of his UME scores from optimism of success, he would want The Board’s painstaking handling of the exercise so as to helpfully reverse last year’s reported near mass failure of her candidates. His initial plan was to get to a bank, withdraw some money, turn up at a pharmacy, pay for a few personal drugs and finally produce himself for the week’s coupon and then send it through a traveler to an uncle partaker in the game. Now, all these shall have to wait for another Twenty-Four Hours, if he is desirous of a glimpse of his scores on that Saturday of Half-Duty for The Board’s Staff…
Evilly, our Chidiebere was edged out by just two marks for his College of Medicine Program Dream at The University of Benin which had fastened her cut-off point on 300! Chidiebere, though, did not quite see the embarrassment in this, for when The Successful Names for Medicine/Surgery besieged nearby kiosk for Victory Celebration he joined them in the act, parting with as much money on lavish refreshment.
“It means then, you hadn’t failed the exam,” another unlucky chap directed to Chidiebere. The young man had seen Chidiebere’s intial dull eyes after spotting his name on The Wrong List. For a reply, Chidiebere asked the young man if he would honestly say that he had been flunked, a half-cold stare in his eyes. And the young man saw it! The Half-Cold Thing! It was The Look of hostility’ Second Cousin, cramming all the spaces in Chidiebere’s eyes. The man could just see that answering Chidiebere’s question was not where the crux of the matter lay.
First, Chidiebere needed becalmed nerves, true empathy and cleverly the raw facts of his fate. Tactfully, the man picked up the subject from his own mischance of having been narrowly displaced thrice from List of Successful Entrants for a chosen course and he still rejoicing like The Victorious, for trusting the underground moves he would later make to secure Admission.
“And the three times you did nothing at all followed?” asked, Chidiebere Osocha his ears primed up first.
“Nothing,” the man fed Chidiebere with the calmest voice and in a much raised one “Because - I’m sure - Nearly has often been Nothing!”
The just hit point Chidiebere Osacha did not quite digest or had scorned, until he had thrice The Same Experience or, actually, let The Experience salute him thrice!
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