Listen To Me
Stop! Stop what you are doing! Listen to me! Can you hear me? Look at me when I’m talking to you! Is there something wrong with you? The 80 year old man hurled these comments and other illuminating words and curses for good measure at the 3 men who had just broken into his house using a crow bar and brute force.
The old crow continued to rant in anger at the intruders in spike of the fact that they were aiming high powered weapons at his head and chest. The convicts had just escaped from the local penitentiary, stole a car, raced over to a gun shop, beat and killed the store owner, drove over to a liquor store, gunned down the clerk, made off with cash, whiskey, vodka and other flavors of the day and were now standing in the company of their next score by the name of Clancy Pitt.
One of the criminals was a former neighbor of Pitt before he was sent up the river to newer accommodations provided to him by the state. The bad guy had heard rumors of Pitt having a treasure trove of expensive antiques and sports memorabilia.
The men didn’t want to kill the old man straight off. Gun shots would alarm the neighbors and arouse suspicions. One the men with a deep demonic voice shouted, “Shut up you old geezer or I’ll blow your head off!?” Pitt shouted back, “Get out of my house!” “I have a mind to call the police!” The 3 men focused their rifles on him with their squinting little beady eyes and with ugly etched all over their faces. They had a dead seriousness in their demeanor which indicated they would take lethal action at any moment. One of the men wearing a black outfit with a black cap pulled down over his ears demanded to know where he kept the baseball cards. In a defiant voice the home owner responded, “Go ask O.J. Simpson.” “He deals in sports memorabilia.”
The man with the crow bar smashed it against the jaw and face of the elderly man. If he had teeth in his mouth they would have flown across the room with the power and force from the impact of the blow. Fortunately for Mr. Pitt, his dentures were safe and sound on a small round table top by his easy chair, sitting in a glass in effervescent water to make them clean and shiny.
It was a beautiful day prior to this incident. Clancy had experienced a nice and complete bowl movement earlier in the day; something he could brag about to his friends at the pub on tomorrow. He had done some grocery shopping and was just settling down in his easy chair to enjoy the first beer of the evening while watching one of his favorite Western movies on the Old timers TV network. It was a film starring Clint Eastwood. It was the movie where they were at the part where the bad guys had just been shooting up the town outside the saloon to terrorize the citizens. Clint Eastwood, dressed in his cowboy fashion finery, is walking past the little old man, the town undertaker. Clint holds up 4 fingers, indicating how many coffins would be needed.
Clint approaches the bad guys and says, “You men upset my mule.” He is unhappy with all that noise you were making.” “Now if you boys were to apologize to him, maybe we can just forget about it and move along.” At first the men laughed. Then they got real serious and then they got dead. While walking back in the direction where he came from, another bad guy jumps out from his hiding place and tries to shoot Clint in the back but he was too slow on the draw and so things didn’t go so well for him either. Clint walks past the undertaker and says, “My mistake.” (as he holds up 5 fingers.)
Back in the real world, the home owner held his jaw and winced in pain as he tried to get up. He reached for the arm of his easy chair. Inside a side sleeve, in a hidden pocket or compartment was a large loaded gun. He pulled it out quickly. In a matter of seconds he shot all 3 men dead directly between their eyes.
By this time Mr. Pitt was becoming somewhat annoyed. He was missing his TV movie and his beer was getting warm. He picked up the phone but did not call the police. Instead he dialed the emergency ambulance number which he keeps on speed dial for just such occasions. He was a former Vet who had seen plenty of action in a war or two in his time so he knew how to handle bad actors.
He spoke with the dispatcher in a calm voice and said, “Please send over 3 ambulances.” “Three people have been shot in my living room and are in need of medical attention.”
What they are in need of is a coroner and coffins.
The person at the other end of the phone became inquisitive. They started asking too many questions; “Who was shot?” “What is their condition?” Who, how, what and why? And so on. The old man acted dumb and senile. He said, “I don’t have time for silly questions.” “I don’t know if they are dead or alive.” “That is your job to determine.” “Send someone over to clean up this mess and stop asking so many stupid questions.”
When the detectives and police arrived Clancy Pitt told them what had happened. He just smiled and rambled on with his story. He is an old man. That is what old men do.
He says, “No one ever listens to me!” “Listen to me!” I say. But no one ever listens to me.
Comments