I RELEASE YOU

All Of My Photos Are Copyright © Vjckie Thayer

^{This is a story about FORGIVENESS...anyone who has ever lived through physical or emotional pain and can find a way to forgive is a very strong person Indeed, much stronger than their abuser.}

-Preface-

• ^{My mother always walked around with a halo on her shoulder, it carried a sign that said "holier-than-thou." She was always quick to point out everyone elses faults to those she would come into contact with, I believe she did this to take the light off of her own sins and imperfections.}
• ^{She would preach to anyone that would listen, most would become insulted by her way of threatening their own beliefs with her brass tongue. I saw her (many times) challenging other peoples thoughts on their beliefs about what was right or wrong, in God's eyes. Sometimes she would get downright angry when they challenged her opinions about God. She was always right...in her own mind.}
• ^{That bright halo would sit there on her shoulder carrying a little sign that read - I'm perfect, just ask me. Most saw it, I'm certain, and alot of people marked her down as a religious nut, several of her children would become planted in her disturbed soil and grow from her seeds into the same narcissistic persona as their mother. They grew into adults who crave attention, perfection at all costs, and the delusional minded thinking that they are better than anyone or everyone who they surround themselves with. They think that no one knows what they get away with...not true.}

• ^{I always wanted a mother, a normal loving mother. I asked God many times to help me accept the things my mother had done to me and to let me forgive her, he totally ignored me, at least he ignored me for most of my informative years.}
• ^{My grandmother was always there for me and I loved her, but I never knew what the feeling of having a Mother around was like. There are times I hated her (she, my own mother, and I had wished that she would just die). I was a teenager when these macabre thoughts entered my train of thought.}
• ^{It is funny how life baits and switches things for you as you grow older, she is gone now, and now I wish I could see her just one more time.}
• Just a few moments to hold her hand and look her straight in her eyes and tell her that I forgive her, I forgive her for never loving me, for hurting my flesh and soul, for never protecting me as a child from her monster JW boyfriend.
• That I forgive her for letting me down, letting me go, letting me feel small in a big world.
• That I also forgive her-for not forgiving me, when I left her behind and never spoke to her again.
• My eternal pain will always stay with me and I'm certain she knows that I sometimes cry.
• I'm certain that she knows I forgive and forgave her and that someday we will meet again, and yes I'm certain she will still point out all my flaws and alledged sins, but I will forgive her, and tell her that I love her, still.
• There is a certain calm that envelopes ones soul when we open our hearts to forgiveness. I'm not saying to forgive and forget...one can never forget...just forgive them knowing that they know not what they do, because they are sick.
• However, there are certain things in life that are unforgivable. A person who is toxic and is a family member who continues to be toxic is definately someone who is to be avoided at all cost, but you can forgive them and let God handle them, in a way that he will, in his due time.
• A person who has caused you harm physically and or emotionally is one example of not being a forgivable act, in my book.
• There are many people (family members included) who walk around with that same bright halo on their shoulder proclaiming to be good, loving and without fault, but are actually evil to the core. Some hold dark secrets from their pasts that could cause potential harm to others, if they were to stoop to their old ways of evilness and commit those crimes again.
• My mother did many evil things to me, but I release her from her actions, because I now know there was someone who was guiding her thoughts and encouraging her to say and do the things she did to me, and that toxic person is someone I shall never forgive, they know who they are and so does God.
• God has a plan in store for those who take advantage of the elderly...those who con them and guide their feeble hands into matters that they are unaware of, like signing papers that they are truly unable to understand, these are all matters of abuse.
• I have recently stumbled upon many things that are wrongs that need to be righted and this time around God is guiding me, in my older years. Maybe he wanted me to aquire wisdom and to gather all my facts, so I could do the right thing without the emotions of a babe, before he would help me...Amen.

to be continued..,

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