How to fight suicide
HOW TO FIGHT SUICIDE
988 988 988 If you feel like ending your life remember 988. 988 is the national hot line for people who are thinking about suicide. If you need them call them. They are there 24 hours a day seven days a week. They are there to help. They want to help and will if you give them a chance.
I am writing this story because 3 times in my life I was ready to commit suicide and go home to heaven. I am hoping maybe my experiences can help someone else thinking about ending ending their life.
The first time I got very depressed it was shortly after I loss my mom. I loved her very much and still miss her. Someday I will see her again but it won't be until God calls me home.
That night it was a very dark night. I did not have much and was very depressed. I had decided to end my life. I got a big knife and put it next to my bed. Then I laid down in bed. I tried to reach for the knife and I could not move my arms. I just laid their thinking. I thought maybe I should take everything out of the fridge and climb in there. Then there would not be so much to clean up. Also maybe someone could still use my organs. Because it was so cold in there. I was too lazy to get up.
Then I started thinking about a course I was taking. I really wanted to see if I could finish he course.
I fell asleep thinking about that. The next morning everything was sunny and normal. I never felt that depressed again.
Many years later I was depressed again. I was ready to end it all. Things were going bad for me and I had enough. I was ready to end it and go home to heaven. I got the knife and a picture of my God daughter then I would sit in my charge put the knife in my heart and they would find me holding Jaymi's picture I couldn't pick up the knife. I kept thinking how much I would hurt Jaymi. I never wanted to hurt Jaymi I know that would hurt her very badly if I went home that way. So I kept thinking about Jaymi how much she means to me and how much I mean to her. Finally the feeling lighten up and I was no longer ready to ended it all.
A few years after that I was depressed again and ready to end all. Things worked about the same as the last time. It was my love for Jaymi and Jaymi's love for me that saved my life.
A few years ago I started to have problems with depression again. I sat down and had a long talk with Jesus. I made him a promise. I would stay down here as long as he needs me. I am ready to come home as soon as possible. I promise Jesus I would wait until he was ready.
I want to leave you one message. If you are thinking about suicide try to think about something you are in the middle of . Think about home much you want to finish that. That will help you over the bad moments. Also think about 1 friend or relative that means a lot to you. Think about how much you were hurt them if you ended your life.
There is so much much to live for. Right now I am a volunteer at the local hospital. I go into the NICU and they let me hold the babies. That is so much fun.
REMEMBER 988 988 988. 988 IS THE NATIONAL SUCIDE HOTLINE THEY ARE THERE TO HELP. USE THEM IF YOU NEED THEM.
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