Great Baby on a Plane.

I’m sitting alone in Denver International Airport, checking my electronics for power, reconfiguring wires and earbuds. Out of my periphery I see a stroller. I always watch for strollers cause they usually have babies in them. Right.. I see a baby, only, not a usual baby. Young, very young, like one-year old young, combed over blond hair, shiny gray eyes, big grin, few teeth, sitting up taking it all in. Beautiful young mom pushing her around. They go past, I notice, cute family, end of story.

Then I see cute mom playing with cute baby, everyone sees. She’s hoisting the babe in the air and letting it walk and greet strangers, obviously trying to tire the child but enjoying the event. They make their way to my seat and the baby and I lock eyes. I make a face and she smiles. Mom and I chat a bit and the baby smiles, grabs my leg for balance and staggers on. Yep, she’s One, last week.

As I board I notice everyone has to check their bags at the door, so the planes full, so, what’s new. I note the size of the plane and I’m in 24A, the plane has 24 rows…. the shitter…I’m riding in the shitter. I walk back, no rush, and get the last seat in my aisle, stash my gear, pivot around and……There’s the baby, grinning up at me.

Mom and I greet like old friends and she proceeds to kinda apologize, up front, for having a baby on a plane. She says her husband booked the tickets and forgot or somehow didn’t book the baby’s ticket and United wanted a thousand dollars to upgrade so she’s got to hold the baby during the flight. Her husband will hear about this, repeatedly, for a while…I see consternation. I said something like, don’t worry, everything’s going to be fine, we’ve all been there. She seems mildly relieved. And settles in for the flight. The last seat to her is taken by a young man in his 20’s but with a big smile for the baby, he’s obviously a good dude too. Now Moms even more relieved. And so we begin.

The plane’s delayed on the tarmack…..of course….and sits in the sun for thirty minutes….of course. Then we sit for another fifteen minutes in line for take off…of couse..then we take off. All the while everyone within line of sight of the baby notices that baby is good, baby is happy and baby is quiet. All three men in proximity use side glances for “situational awareness”. We’ve not yet been engaged for service.

Now something’s changed, there’s a new dynamic and the toy chest emerges. Within a bag, which, miraculously, fit under the seat, mom pulls out book one. Without looking I just know, yeah, it’s, it’s, it’s…Brown Bear. Great choice, great book. I notice the guys earbudded, but on alert. Mom pulls out a tablet, with a handle glued on the back. Brilliant. It’s got bubbles which float past on the screen, baby pops them with her finger, another book comes out, not as interesting, but they’re not for me. And so on and so on, this baby and Mom play for hours.

The first hour Mom’s doing great. We talk a little and the guy next to her talks a little but she’s on a mission. We occaisionally comment cause she’s funny and friendly, she’s got this and, you know, she’s done it before. But, a one year old is like a large bar of wet soap, it will find the floor. So far Mom has been able to keep baby entertained, in her seat, but that just stopped. The baby found the floor.

Now a horizontal dimension has been added and the baby has the length of this packed plane to explore. I realize this could go south quick, remove my earbuds turn to Mom and said, I can play with your baby. What’s her name?.......She gratefully says, Perry, like Mary with a P. Got it. I lock eyes with Perry and start distracting her with goofy faces and a gentle nudge away from the bathroom door and oxygen system. She parries, (no pun intended) and tries to stagger into the aisle. I block her progress with my leg, she tries to climb over, mom grabs her shirt in back and grips tight. Perry fights the grip and tries to shake loose the shirt by going limp and sliding further down the aisle. Guy in front of me blocks the aisle with his boot, nice move…Mom slides out of her seat, lifts Perry, flips her over for a zerbert (reverse kiss on the belly) and gets a laugh…from Perry. Guy in side seat is not engaged, he’s called something Provost, I remember that because of Provost Marshal, anyhow, he weighs in. Perry smiles, eats cheerios, eats pretzels off the floor, giggles, squeals, touches everything, goes and goes.

As mom fumbles with bottles and snacks and toys and blankets and bunnies we make sure Perry doesn’t fall into the armrest, floor, magazine holder or aisle. We distract her with clicks and grins and she tries to stand on the seat but she’s top heavy and starts falling forward. Instantly two grown man hands cradle her heavy one year old head from toppling onto the floor, then she attempts to slide through the armrest and two man hands gently push her back into the seat, then she tries to drunkenly stand again and two man hands make a fence so she doesn’t flip into the aisle. Baby’s are fast and unpredictable so you’ve got to be on you’re a game.

For two and half hours four adults parried everything Perry threw at us. Mom would grip her shirt and follow her down the aisle doing sprints. Perry greeted everyone on the plane. The three grown men shared stories about our kids or the kids we were gonna have while waiting for Perry to finish a lap and the fun to begin again. When Perry returned we picked up where we left off. I finally introduced myself to Perry’s mom, Julie, because she’s a nice lady and let us play with her baby.

Two hours in the pilot announced, we’re beginning our decent into Dayton, the weather is blah blah blah and we’re ahead of schedule. And Perry, in Julies arms falls into a deep sound baby sleep. I bust out laughing, point to Perry and say see, last 20 mins. Julie’s laughing and flipping Perry around, like nothing, this kid’s gone. We relax for the remainder of the flight and sink back for landing.

As we exit the plane and said our good byes we really meant it. This baby Perry engaged her family with three grown men for a couple hours on a plane both enduring and enjoying every minute. I consider that a treat. So, Perry, I hope the other 90 plus years are as good as this one, keep mixing it up, and Julie, thanks for sharing.

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