In and out. In and out. Ray repeated those words in his head as he looked upon the large, brick house that stood in front of him. The man ran a hand through his short, unkempt hair and took a deep breath. All he had to do was go in, give them the presents, and get out. Simple, right? No need for this to be a big deal.
Ray took his time walking up the steps to the house, the wooden boards of the porch creaking as he stepped onto it. He winced and he could not help but feel like he was a burglar breaking into some random person’s house. But this house did not belong to a stranger and Ray was invited, so why did he have this terrible feeling that he should not be here? Why was his hand shaking so much as he lifted it to knock on the door?
“Mommy, Uncle Ray is at the door!”
Ray suddenly heard someone announce his arrival from inside the house. The man’s palms began to get really sweaty, and he was unconsciously holding his breath as he heard footsteps coming his way. The door swung open and on the other side was a black-haired woman smiling at Ray. “Raymond, you’re here! I’m so happy you came.” The woman spread her arms out and chuckled. “Come on, aren’t you going to give your sister a hug?”
Ray let out a nervous chuckle in return and slowly stepped forward to accept the hug. “Y-Yeah. Nice to see you too, Ava.”
Ava, who was actually Ray’s sister-in-law, married Ray’s younger brother a couple of years ago. She was a kind woman and Ray had no problem with her or the little girl that had suddenly tackled the man’s legs to hug him.
“Hi, Uncle Ray! I missed you!”
Kneeling to the girl’s height, Ray smiled and patted her on the head. “I missed you too, Iris. You’ve been a good girl this year?”
Iris furiously nodded her head. “Yep! You can ask Mom.”
Ava smiled down at her six-year-old daughter. “Yeah, she’s been good. Actually, she was just finishing opening up her presents.”
Ray laughed and was beginning to feel much more comfortable around Ava and his niece. “Speaking of presents, I did get you two something.”
“Oh, Ray.” Ava placed a hand over her heart. “That’s so sweet. What do you say to your uncle, Iris?”
Ava shook her head but was still smiling. “You mean “Thank you Uncle Ray for the present”, right?”
Ray waved a hand to Ava. “Ah, don’t worry about it.”
Ray felt his panic rising again once he heard a very familiar voice. He looked up and saw a man walking down the staircase from the second floor of the house. The man, who had dark hair just like Ray and was wearing a pair of thick-rounded glasses, smiled as he descended the stairs. “It’s good to see you, big bro.”
Ray gulped and then forced himself to smile at his brother. “John. It’s...good to see you too.”
John laughed and approached Ray to give him a hug. He embraced his elder brother in a tight bear hug. “You look good, Ray. I’m glad to see you back on your feet.”
John soon let go of Ray and patted his brother on the back. “Well, don’t just stand there. Come in!” John stepped back and allowed his brother to step inside. He then looked to his wife. “Ava, you and Iris can go ahead and start eating dinner. I gotta talk to Ray about something. It won’t be long, I promise.”
Ava nodded at her husband and gave him a kiss on his cheek. “Okay. But hurry before the food gets cold.”
“I will.” John laughed and watched as his wife and daughter disappeared into the dining room. After a moment, John’s smile faded, and he glared at his brother. “Something you want to tell me?”
John folded his arms over his chest and waited for Ray’s answer. This was exactly why Ray did not want to come here in the first place. But he did not want to disappoint his sister and niece. The shaggy man sighed and shook his head. “So, you’ve heard.”
“That you started drinking again? Yeah, I heard. Ray, we’ve been over this. Didn’t you just get out of rehab? I thought this was behind us.”
“Ray, you can’t keep drowning your sorrows in booze. Stacy wouldn’t have wanted that.”
Ray’s eyes widened slightly at the mention of his late wife’s name. Stacy was his entire world and she had been taken away by a mugger on the street who stabbed her straight in the stomach. She died just as the ambulance reached the hospital doors, and Ray had not been the same since. He started drinking and it got so bad that he almost attacked Ava in a drunken rage. Ava had already forgiven him, but Ray could not forgive himself for what happened. He had gone to rehab shortly after that incident and had been a year sober until a few weeks ago.
“Ray.” John’s face softened as he addressed his brother again. “I get it. I know you’re still hurting. We all are. But this is not how you should cope. And if you keep this up—” John glanced back down the hall where he could hear Ava and Iris laughing in the dining room. “Then I can’t let you around my family. Not after what happened.”
Turning back to Ray, John gasped when he saw his brother opening the front door and stepping back outside. He quickly grabbed Ray’s arm. “What are you doing? Where are you going?”
Ray let out a dry chuckle as he looked back at his younger brother. “You’re right. I don’t deserve to be around you or your family. I don’t want to hurt them again.”
“Then stop with the drinking. We can help you!”
“Nah.” Ray shook his head and gently pried John’s hand off his arm. “It’s too late for me, John. I’m a lost cause. I can’t stop myself anymore.” Ray felt tears welling up in his eyes and his voice started to crack as he spoke again. “Say goodbye to the wife and kid for me, okay? Oh, and uh—” Handing his brother the black backpack that he was carrying, Ray smiled at John one last time. “These are some presents for you all. I hope you like them. See you around, little brother, and for the love of God—”
Ray grabbed John’s shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze. “Do NOT end up like me.”