Poetry Forum

Reisenhoffer - all messages by user

3/6/2015 9:51:57 AM
New here, so, Hello	Hey I'm new to the site. Currently a published author who has a horrible social side and is currently seeking to talk/share/critique my work as well as others, and to talk about life and such things as well. I hope to hear from you-K.M
3/6/2015 9:58:42 AM
The Grieving	I liked this more once I got to the ending, with the christmas theme throwing me off what I had originally thought. Perhaps share a bit about the issue you are having with the holiday? We get alot of ideas as to how you are handling it, but nothing besides the last line to let us know what you're running from, or perhaps just christmas in general? Either way, I liked it. I'm always a fan of something that leads you in one direction and then reveals the twist.
3/6/2015 10:17:57 AM
What do you consider "Not a poem" ?	Poetry is all different, there are a million things that make a poem a poem, but only a few things that separate it from a song, or novel for that matter. As someone said, there is a difference between a good poem and just a poem. I wonder if you're asking from the point where you're wondering if something you wrote is considered a poem? Most of my poetry are usually songs that I wrote for whatever band/project I'm in/working on. I, myself value certain poem styles and poets more than others, as I'm sure everyone does. A poem is whatever you want it to be, in my opinion as long as it's said with some thought and with heart you're good no matter what it's called
3/6/2015 10:22:00 AM
What is your style?	I'm typically a free style prose writer simply because I write very fast and usually leave it how it came out. However sometimes it's fun to rhyme, or to bust out a haiku. I think too much emphasis is put on poetry that rhymes {I recall in freshman year of highschool one of the not so brilliant kids in my grade said a poem wasn't a poem if it didn't rhyme}. I also think because of this that too often focusing strictly on rhyming takes away from the poem it's self. Just because something sounds nice doesn't mean it has a backbone to it. Often I find people sticking so strictly to the rhyme of it all that they insert awful word play in their poetry just so it has a tempo to it. I guess to each his own, I'd just much rather read something that has heart and doesn't rhyme over something that has to rhyme all the time {see what I did there?}
3/6/2015 10:27:57 AM
Help Fund My Very First Poetry Book!	Hey I read the poem you have on the web page you gave. It's pretty good. A quick question though is why not use one of the free to publish publishers rather than pay to have your book published? I can give you a few places that do it. I currently go through create space, and they've been really great actually. I sell my books to friends/family and when I play shows and such and I've gotten great reviews from people that have bought them {on the quality of the actual book}. If I wasn't broke I'd chip in with some money {us struggling artists are horrible contribution givers}. Just a few thoughts on publishing without paying money. Good luck though-K.M
3/6/2015 10:36:03 AM
My Poetry Must Suck!	In my defense, I can't for the life of me figure out how to view someones profile and see their actual poetry. All I see are the posts they've made. A pain in the well, i'm guessing a poet should have a better word for butt. If I can figure out how to view your work I will gladly leave a review.
3/9/2015 6:26:44 PM
A Poem For The Girl Across The Street	see that girl over there? the one in the blue summer dress with legs that last for seasons and those damn doe eyes I've been writing her poems for weeks now every mid afternoon getting that over sized coffee she looks at me through my window and I smile back through a city street that girl over there the one with skin like crushed velvet whiter than the snow I'd catch on my tongue when I was young I've been playing songs on my record player just for her the needles worn down to dust but it keeps right on going and I keep right on dancing along so she can see through a city street That girl there the one with the brown hair that falls in her face moments after she brushes it behind her ear I've been reading all the romantics composing the best lines to sweep her off her feet and into my bed a one night stand in this chip walled apartment me in my stained white t-shirt and hole riddled pants with no socks at the bottom that girl she's gonna hear my voice and swoon let me tell you i'm going to play it cool move my hand to the small of her back and lean in real swift like turn her like a crux on one leg, the other out stretched like they did way back when I'm going to kiss her, our lips mashed together like the sun and the moon as they colide in the sky there will be fireworks there will be thunder before the lightning I'll show her paradise from Milton she'll show me her tropic from Miller and in the morning I'll kick her to the curb and start this all over again
3/16/2015 10:07:31 AM
The First Kiss	Since this is in High Critique I'll put in my two cents. Lots of meandering words that don't really talk of anything. The last three lines essentially make up the whole poem. The rest to me is just filler. Using pretty analogies and words doesn't make a poem a poem, same thing as using expensive paints don't make a painting. If it were me, I'd leave the last three lines, feels more like the title and more like an actual poem. I'm probably being a dick, sorry. Just my thoughts on things
3/16/2015 11:04:05 AM
New here, so, Hello	Hey Wassup Rockers? Hope everyone is enjoying the site and posting great stuff. Can't wait to read it
3/17/2015 7:00:07 PM
A Poem For The Girl Across The Street	Hey, thanks for the critique man. Not a confessional, I was just writing and it kind of came out. I can get the sexist part, mostly rather than it being sexiest I used it as a piece where the guy only wants what he doesn't have and then once he has it he's done with it. I tend to have a problem like this {not with women, but in general}. And also I was kind of on a Bukowski kick over that weekend and just felt like writing something I could see him writing. It was a challenge from my wife to write something like that. Thanks so much. Also, I don't really have my friends read my stuff until I publish a book and hand it to them like "here's 250 pages, go crazy"
3/18/2015 11:16:26 AM
A Poem For The Girl Across The Street	Yeah, good ol' Bukowski. I usually try not to cramp on other peoples styles, everyonce in a while it's fun to try your hand at something you usually don't do. Yeah I'm self published. I tend to write very fast {this poem took all of 5 minutes, no edits}. I've published 3 books of poetry ranging from 175-250 pages each. I've published one novel, and three books of short stories {all at about 300 pages each}. If you look up Kevin Sheltra on Amazon {as well as other places like that} you can see all of my books and whatnot. Last year I actually published 3 books that came out as a sort of trilogy. This year I will have at least two published. My friends joke that by the time I'm 30 {29 now} I'll have written everything that I could ever possibly write and I'll have nothing else to say. I kind of fear that might be the case, lol-K.M
4/10/2015 6:09:04 PM
Im new here. Small poem.	Hey, Welcome man. First off, I'll get to the positives...I like some of your phrasing such as "tidy trap in a decorative frame" and what not. Some good lines for sure. I think it could use with maybe a verse or two cause I didn't get what the point was really. There's no sense of whats wrong with the two people who are having the argument or the conclusion. I think an added verse or two to clarify would do wonders and make this a really strong piece. Also the biggest problem, kind of my own pet peeve was in the fourth verse you change the tone of your words with your "Y'get" and "n'find" I think as a song if you sing it that way it's fine but as a work where someone is reading it, those two things really stick out because you don't cut off words like that in any other way throughout the whole rest of the piece. So yeah, it's pretty good. I've definitely read alot worse. I would say to add a verse or two to maybe make the point of the problem a bit more focused, and to just change those two little spots in the fourth verse. Keep posting-
4/10/2015 6:11:27 PM
A poet looking to get known	Hey, welcome. I have a friend who has Aspergers, I'm not overly familiar with it sadly to say, I just know she has it but it's very bad {I don't know if there are degrees to it}, but anyway. Welcome. Post your stuff. I'm not really sure if this is the place to get discovered though. From my time here it's mainly just a place to post things and talk about your work and others. Not to make or break an aspiring writer. Good luck though-Kevin
4/10/2015 6:14:45 PM
Universal Scale (blank verse)	Hey, nice piece of work. To be honest I disliked it greatly until the last 4 lines or so. I thought it was kind of meandering and whatnot but the last few lines made an impact. So good job with that. I can't really say too much about it, it's written quite well for what it is it, the main problem is the first 3/4 of it is just describing something that I think you could've done with maybe 6-8 lines rather than however many in took. It's good though. An interesting take on things for sure. Just glad god wasn't brought in at the end. Would've totally ruined it
4/10/2015 6:23:57 PM
After All This Time...	she said she wanted to be broken wanted it like the others i said something about a shotgun wedding a valentines day present like my brothers cross my heart and hope to die and wake up on the wrong side of 25 with the sheets tied around my neck did my best carradine effect she said she wanted to be bandaged a night spent with a razor again and when she shaved her head i said she looked like my dead friend crossed her heart and closed her eyes woke up in the wrong side of monogamus life with the rope spun around my neck I wrote my name next to brooks and reds the boys and girls in america maria came from nashville and we sing holly halleluja we have such a sad time together we've got to stay positive even though we know it'll never get any better speak of the devil and he'll appear good god I know I can't make it through another year sweet sixteen and go to sleep darling i'm old enough to know that I'll never be positive again edited by Reisenhoffer on 4/10/2015
4/10/2015 6:29:34 PM
High School Sour Hearts	and all those girls we kissed the ones with the scars from desperate lonely nights on their wrists we played the songs until we broke the speakers boys were ripe with wondering hands and the girls with their talented fingers and when we'd all come together some of the best times I can remember and when me and her would come together i swore it'd never get any better we tossed around faithful four letter words even though we knew we were faithless and impure sometimes we'd disappear for days at a time come back three days drunk and still feeling high the bands would play as the fires died and we'd down our double whiskey cokes with no ice and when we'd all come together some of the best times I can remember and when me and her would come together i swore it'd never get any better we were the worst sins on the most innocent lips i was a vague saint she was thunderstruck when she came the girls and the guys they're either drunk or high once you're born here you're a townie for life
4/11/2015 7:56:47 PM
Looking for constructive criticism!	Hey, welcome to PS. This is a pretty solid effort. I haven't read anything else you've posted as of yet but this is sharing some pretty deep stuff. I look forward to reading more of your stuff. I might, if changes are to be made start out with "these 48 years she has cried" and then keep it at the end as well, because upon reading it, it seems to start out from your point of view and then delve into hers at the very end. But that's just my opinion. Good job-K
4/11/2015 8:12:47 PM
Please critique this poem, it made me write it!	Hey Kate, I've gone over this little poem and conversation a few times and decided against voicing my opinion on such things. It kind of ate at me so I decided to join in. First off, I like your poem. It's simple in its verses but as I found from reading it multiple times resonated slowly with me. The first time I read it thought it just simple and easy to get over, but upon reading it further I've grown to like it more and more. So good job for that. Now, on to the fun stuff...I think you kind of tied your own rope so to speak Bob by listing your insane "ten reasons to write a poem" because if I have read her poem correctly, and I'm pretty sure I have, it falls into categories five, nine and ten, so I think in all your critique loses all merit. Your views on Haiku's and prose poetry are made without base in my opinion. Did Shakespeare ever research any of his poetry? Gingsberg? Kerouac? Whitman? Homer is fantastic and long winded. I have been a fan of his work for a long while now but nothing he has ever written has hit me or entertained me on a personal level. Considering yourself a poetry critic {I don't believe having a blog quite qualifies you, but that's neither here nor there} doesn't make your critique professional. I believe in promoting reading and writing of any levels and of any kinds. I'm not a fan of alot of different styles of writing, but I encourage people to do so since it's what they want to do in their heart. "50 shades of grey" and "The odyssey" aren't on the same level if you ask me but I can tell you for sure that I know more people who enjoy "50 shades" a whole lot more. Everyone is different and likes different things. You should help "the advancement of poetry" by offering criticism the author can use. Give her ideas that she could use going forward. Is Kate's poem the best I've ever read? No it isn't {sorry Kate, I did like it however} but I felt more when reading it than I did reading your poem about a Paul Simon song {both of which I didn't relate to at all and thus felt nothing about}. If I want to read about architecture, I'll look for a book written by an architect. If I want to read about art, I'll find someone who is either an art academic or an artist. Poetry is an escape from those mediums. Same way short stories are an escape from novels, same way novels are an escape from book sets {Harry Potter, Lord Of The Rings}...Sure you get my point. I didn't really mean to go off on such things to such an extent, I just disagree with pretty much every single point you made {quite honestly I think you wanted to start a discussion rather than critique a poem, since you didn't really do that. Saying you dislike something isn't a critique, it's stating a fact. A critique is submitting criticism in hopes to help the author going forward. Anyway, keep writing Kate, I look forward to reading your other stuff. High five Mark, I agree with you wholly. If Bob, you'd like to take your cheap shots {yeah, I called that} I posted two poems I'm quite sure you will hate with every fiber of your being in the high critique portion of the site. I do take criticism quite well, if in fact you offer it this time-Kevin
4/11/2015 8:16:22 PM
hello everybody	Welcome to PS Wally, welcome to our world {sorry had to work in a Wally's World, vacation reference there, couldn't resist}. This site can definitely be pretty handy. Also as a musician and whatnot, I'd recommend searching on craigslist and seeing if you can find someone to maybe help put your poems to song. Good luck-Kevin
4/11/2015 8:24:50 PM
Channeling creativity - with no re-writes	Hey, I agree with most of everything people have said. I'm a brutally fast writer. If you happen to read anything I've posted on here, nothing took me longer than 10 minutes to write at most and I don't revise any of my work, besides basic editing {one of the drawbacks to writing to fast is that I don't worry about making sure things are spelled correctly, or anything}. That's the only editing I do or that I have ever done. I write songs, poetry as well as short stories and novels. My first novel I write in less than two weeks. My last book which is made up of short stories and about 300 pages total probably took maybe 30 hours to write totally. This might come back to bite me cause you might say "well they read like crap and like you spent only 5 minutes on it" to which I'll say "Sorry". But I get something akin to a junky when I need to write. I need to get that fix so to say. It needs to come out and often times I'll lay in bed at night not being able to sleep cause I thought of a great line or two and I won't be able to sleep without writing them down. I definitely think it's part of "feeling" out yourself and your thoughts. It can be a cathartic experience that's for sure. So yeah, to make a long winded statement short, I agree that sometimes it just has to come out.
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