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3/16/2017 2:05:19 PM Shubham Kamble Posts: 4	Acceptance There's a question, most difficult, yet to be asked. There inside somewhere, I sit in the corner, secluded and masked. For I too have got a face, like many others, I never show. With fears and insecurities, in the valley I am, deep down below. Wondering whether ever shall I be found? Or I better not be, what matters, is being safe and sound. The only risk being alive, is to die. And so, to say a 'hi' is to risk another 'goodbye!' All days won't be sunny as they are these days. I'll be weak at times, I'll fall down in so many ways. Not the end, but I'm afraid of letting you go. Losing you, I cannot even imagine, this I let you know. Even in the darkness, I promise to be your light. For you I'll face come what may, with all my might. All I endeavour is to see you smile and I be the reason. The life your smile radiates has no comparison. Rejection, I fear not, Acceptance, I do, of my darker side. There are some scars, with my shirt taken off, I cannot hide. Would you extend your hand to me, sitting there in the corner? Would you be afraid to take my mask off, about which I said earlier? Would you enlighten the darker side of me, as I do yours? Would you love me too, as I do love you, forevermore?
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3/16/2017 2:07:22 PM Shubham Kamble Posts: 4	Please check it out. And highlight anything you find interesting or which needs to be mended
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5/18/2017 1:40:50 PM Jerome Malenfant Posts: 26	Really nice, but some lines are sort of awkward, others are unclear or a bit long. Hope you don't mind but here's how I would rewrite it: There's a question, most difficult, yet needs be asked. There’s a me somewhere inside, secluded and masked. For I have a face that like others I never show; It shows all of my fears, hidden deep down below. Wondering if it will ever be found, Or if it’s better not, and to remain safe and sound. The only risk of being alive is to die. To say ‘hello’ is to risk another 'goodbye!' All days won't be sunny as are these present days. At times I'll be weak; I'll fall down in so many ways. ‘Twould be not the end, but still afraid of letting you go. Losing you, I cannot even imagine, this I let you know. (awkward) Even in darkness, I promise I’ll be your light. For you I'll face come-what-may, with all of my might. All I endeavour(?) is to see you smile and I be the reason. The life your smile radiates has no comparison. (awkward) (‘endeavour’ means “to try”; you probably mean something like “want” here.) Rejection, I fear not, Acceptance, I do, of my dark side. ('dark side' is stronger than 'darker side') There are some scars inside me that I cannot hide. Would you extend your hand (to me?) as I sit in my corner? Would you be frightened to take my mask off, about which I said earlier? (awkward last phrase) Would you enlighten the dark side of me, as I do yours? Would you love me, as I do you, forevermore? edited by zaq12wsx on 5/22/2017
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