this isn't me

What am I doing? This Isn't me. I'm watching myself Commit the unthinkable in The name of duty and I hate it. Everyone is heralding me A hero When I only feel like the villain Who actually wins. This isn't Me. When they said 'protect and serve' I never knew that came with Hands stained red. I fail to see The honor in taking the lives of others. This isn't me. How can I live with myself? I Toss and turn as the ghosts Of my misdeeds choke the life I have left. This isn't me. It can't be.