Only Slade's Brain

Tim was the new judge in Deadwood Flat Not really qualified, just a rancher at that He first case was of the outlaw, Horace Slade Caught red handed in a cattle raid The jury took ten minutes to recommend the noose Better than letting this rattlesnake loose. Tim smoothed out his robe, asked Slade to speak Slade perked up, though his future was bleak "It was only my brain, my brain it was me. Badly constructed, that's how I plea My thoughts, my feelings, my crooked way All preprogrammed in my DNA! "You see Dad was a member of the cardshop mob Mom always drunk, and moreover a slob My twin set a cat on fire at the age of three So, who could predict much hope for me? Tim panicked, searched his dictionary Couldn't find DNA, wished he was on the prairie He had never heard that excuse before But said to Slade, "proceed, tell us more" Slade felt hope, and got on a roll He said "ain't no such thing as a soul' "I know the computer hasn't been invented yet "But we're programmed, coded, our path in life set! "I shot a man to watch him die Then partied at the bar for an alibi Not my fault, an MRI would have shown My limbic system, quiet as a stone. The jury murmured, Tim gave a sigh What was a computer, or an MRI? Slade's nonsense was going too far Slade could have used a lesson in better P.R. Tim said, "I hope what you say is not true I like soul and spirit, the afterlife too. But either way, some feelings I can't transcend My brain wants your pointless existence to end! They planned to hang Slade on the Alder tree Justice would be served, jury did agree Then Slade tried a ploy, to explain his crime He yelled "I'm a traveler through time!" "I come from the year 2024 DNA, MRI, computers and more Got stuck in a time warp, had to survive You'd do the same to stay alive" They had to let Slade go, agreed he's insane Tim didn't like to do it, it went against the grain But Deadwood Flats couldn't hang a guy Who believed in computers, DNA, and MRI!