MOTHERs DAY-THREE YEARS LATER

Mother’s Day-Three Years Later I may speak to you as a still portrait on the wall no wailing ghosts don’t present only those of memories especially clasping the cross between my fingers as it was buried on your chest no tears I only whisper “Mom…” are you stirred? I reach out truly lean in indubitably to the Lord who with no doubt hears my heart cry I don’t use many words on the smile of your shadow but lean into the sure everlasting arms of Jesus it’s almost time to honor you are you still my mother or merely my sister in Christ? do we retain the same relationship or is it like husbands & wives? the bible says we are like the angels in heaven no longer given to marriage so I wonder… I wondered at the beginning of your death - do I still have a mother or am I motherless? I tuck the Mother’s Day card away my husband thought I’d want to put it into her arms next to her large portrait next to her purple urn on that first motherless occasion I can’t even look at it I can’t conceive it the scent of funereal flowers fills my living space and the altar of grief notes is growing I throw them down like a house of cards likewise discard the flowers leaving dried petals of sunshine in a broom closet box it’s three years later the dust settles the drum beats always reminding me we must rehearse every day not pick up the phone not regress be addressed only by our own my children can still reach me if they choose…I’ll hear