The Vulture
The humid feel of the British summer engulfs the new build house, There was no air conditioning option when purchased just the good old fashioned brown top light UPVC windows. Tom and his wife Claire had purchased their first house together, the excitement of decorating and building a new family completed them both. Claire had designed every room in her head ten times over whilst Tom was sizing up the spare bedroom which he could transform into a man cave. Tom’s eyes opened only to realise he had been day dreaming again, he realised it was only a memory. No Claire, No family, No man cave, nothing except the grey sofa they purchased together and his own troubled thoughts.
The day had not started off so well from Tom, Still saddened by the collapse of his marriage he struggles to comprehend the days. Sitting In his polo neck shirt and skinny track suit bottoms, the same clothes he has worn over the past three days. It has been 6 months since the separation, though he still finds the word separation or any other word relating to this hard to say. Desperately Tom managed to keep the pretence that Claire still lived in their family home for over two months after Claire had moved out, But Claire’s new relationship to Kevin managed to dispel that façade. The façade that Tom had created was his mental life line, his parachute to try and slow down his fall from what he knew was invertible.
Strangely, most days over the past 6 months had started off quite similar, Deep sleep until midday as a result of being up till late watching dozens of Television boxsets. Eating his bodyweight in pringles and takeaways and drinking more full fat soda in a day than is recommended by doctors in one month. After awaking and leaving his bedroom, he would make his way to kitchen. Tom had never been one for drinking alcohol in the house so he always knew that he would not succumb to these demons, even though there were plenty of other demons hounding his mind.
Tom would go through the same kitchen routine daily, Fill the kettle three quarters full, Put the kettle on, prepare the cup with a Tetley’s tea bag and two heaped tea spoons of sugar, A splash of semi skimmed milk which Tom always smell tested before use. He would check if the sliced bread he had bought from the local superstore a few days ago was still edible by checking for visible mould. The bread would then be toasted to a charcoal colour and then layers of salted butter applied. Claire had attempted to convert him to the no salted versions but he always despised the taste, He would say “ Why are you trying to change me Claire? Just leave me and my butter alone for fuck sake!”
The arguments gradually became worse over the years and could start over the pettiest of things, “Where you off tonight babes? Out with that whore of a friend again?” Tom would ask whilst pulling a child like pout. “I only wanted a simple takeaway and you ordered it wrong, why cant you do it right the fucking first time?” Tom’s way of handling the incorrect takeaway delivery he had received on his and Claire’s Saturday night date night.
The telephone Rang, Tom’s mind switches back to the present. “An unknown number again for the fifth time this morning!” Tom shrieks, Tom answers the phone and starts with a “fuck off! Leave me alone”, The voice on the phone stil in shock stammers and says “Hi, umm my name is Susan umm I am umm calling from human resources. We are trying to arrange a appointment for you to attend a meeting regarding your absence pay?”.
After avoiding this discussion with work for over two months it had finally caught up with him, he looks over to the numerous letters piled up on his coffee table that were unopened all from his employer. The voicemails which were deleted just as fast they appeared. His mind sets off in a panic, an uncontrollable pain takes over his body and he completely freezes. “If I go silent then they will hang up and not bother me again, right?” Tom asks himself. The voice from the phone “Hello, Tom are you there, Hello Tom?”, Tom hangs up the phone and Buries his head in a pillow. At this point the demons in his head are coming alive, for most of time he can bury these horrid thoughts or cover them up with a sugar rush. But not this time.
There was one Demon in particular that caused Tom the most concern. This Demon always seemed to be circling overhead waiting for the weakened mind of Tom to finally succumb to its demise. Always whispering in Tom’s ear but never clear enough for Tom’s conscious to process, Tom had the distinct impression that the whispers involved ending his life but what was left of his rational senses had so far managed to block them. The easiest way to describe the Inside of Tom’s head was like a lottery machine, all the balls representing thoughts. At any given moment the lottery machine would spew out another ball causing a change in mood whether that be up or down. This would not have been an issue as most people have a head of full of thoughts, sadly when the majority of these thoughts are negative your chance of a happy thought are slim.
Toms mind wanders again whilst in a state of panic to a few months ago, “why don’t you just go and jump off a cliff you prick!” Claire screams down the phone. “You are nothing to me and Kevin is far better person than you could ever be.” Claire shouts as her and Kevin drive away after collecting possessions from the home. The Television thrown across the room as if it was a ball, the photos smashed and discarded like used sweet wrappers. Fist sized Holes in the false leading into the kitchen. “Why would she do this to me? what did I do deserve being treated so shit?” Tom lies on the kitchen floor, crying into his reflection on the white tiled kitchen floor.
The telephone rings once again, Tom throws the phone and breaks into a dozen pieces that scatter across the room and dent the wall. Releasing that his mind had drifted off again he starts sobbing into his hands, the phone call from human resources was to notify him officially that he come to the end of absence pay. Tom’s work had been supportive up until this point but as the the company absence policy clearly stated absence pay was only for a short period of time. Being unable to return to work in his current mental state would mean he would have to survive without any financial income.
Tom’s stress level have been holding at ninety five percent full up until this point, but has now been pushed one hundred and ten percent, As if to much water had been poured into a cup. Water spilling everywhere soaking everything in its path, The lottery machine was out of control releasing thoughts and feelings like bullets. One every second aimed with pin point accuracy to attack Tom’s rational portion of the brain, breaking it down until the rationale could no longer be recognised. With his hands over his head he makes his way to the garage, He knows that there he will find sanctuary which he hopes will help stop these thoughts.
The path leading to the garage has become overgrown with weeds, the patio stones that make up the path have been fully covered with a green sludge moss. the garage door looms, Tom feels that sanctuary awaits in the garage. Hoping he will find solace in one the dark corners, “Solace by what means though?” he asks himself.
He finds the door unlocked and as he pushes down on the handle he falls through the door onto the floor, the floor being cool helps to slow down his thoughts. Still though the pain remains and he make his way back to his feet, sweating and with saliva down his chin he manages to cling onto the window ledge to the left of the garage door. The room is now spinning, Tom closes his eyes!
Moments later, he opens his eyes and finds has a rope in his hand which he used. Last time Tom had used this over a year ago to secure his car boot whilst transporting a Christmas tree, He now cant remember how it’s ended up in his hands, panic sets in again and his eyes close. He can now feel the rough texture of the rope on the skin of his neck, his eyes open. Tom seemed to be floating high, as if on a cloud dreaming. Tom’s mind moves to Claire, having once spoken about going on a dream holiday to Florida, maybe visit universal studios. “I can not believe we are here babes? Our dream holiday” Tom smiles and holds Claire’s hand, Claire replies “yes it took some time but here we are” with a beaming smile.
It was only then the rational side of his brain came alive, “how can I be floating? I’m not in Florida because the stupid cow left me months ago!!” thoughts at the forefront of his mind. That was when Tom realised that he was hanging by his neck, the rope which only moments ago was in his hands was now tied around the garage lintel. His bodyweight now pulling on his neck, He could feel the air in lungs fully pressurised and ready to burst. The blood from his heart to his head was being restricted, He could feel the pulse in his neck his forehead. Tom knew he only had seconds left before the darkness would set in and then silence!
It was only at this moment that the lottery machine that had been firing the bullets of confusion at Tom’s head for months had ceased firing rapidly, for the first time in a very long time the lottery machine seemed to have found and was releasing happy balls. In the background though, It was if the body and mind had separated into two different beings. Tom could feel his legs kicking whilst desperately trying to find something to stand on. His body needed to take his body weight and release the pressure from his neck. Using his toes to seek out any potential item that could be used, but to no avail. But Tom’s panic suddenly ceased as if a fire was extinguished.
Tom is suddenly transported to his and Claire’s bedroom, Claire is standing in the corner of the bedroom wearing the dress she knows Tom loved, A long summer peach coloured dress. The bedroom was still unfurnished as Tom scanned the room, “Can this be true?” he asks himself. “What colour should I paint the bedroom?” Claire asks has she reached out for Tom’s hand. “What ever colour you want, as long as I’m with you I’m happy” Tom replies. Claire comes in close to Tom’s right ear and whispers “I love you”, a warm feeling encapsulates Tom’s body and he closes his eyes for what he guessed was the last time.
A loud squawk brings Tom’s conscious back to life, His eyes all blurry and head pounding as if it was being hit with a hammer. Tom is in a desert like environment, there are burned out cars, houses surrounding him. He lies paralysed and unsure whether he is restrained, That is when he hears another squawk. There, perched six foot away was the vulture. With its eyes fixated on Tom, the vulture was enormous up close, its wing span seemed to cover the horizon. All Tom could do was lie still and watch, Fear completely engulfs his body and he can not breath. The vulture flaps its wings and starts to circle above Tom’s head, Still maintain the six foot distance. The vulture swoops down and very tenderly approaches side of Tom’s face, with an evil dark tone whispers “finally I have you”.
The End
C.Hawkins 26/6/19
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