The Fear of Being Entraped
On this crazy so unreal roller coaster ride Patrice had moments to gather her thoughts and to rethink it was here at the stop sign Patrice had notice that her and Stephan were quite different the phrase ‘opposite attracts’ did not apply to them both. They had nothing in common but the children he was a risk taker, self was his obsession and his passion was the streets he worshiped his friends and he adored the ladies. You can say Stephan was a free-spirited person he allowed the world to pass him by and found joy in entertaining others.
There was some sort of tranquility in the moments he spent getting high and totally wasted as peace never came very often at home the household was over flooded with arguments, abuse and the ins outs of Stephan’s friends. She and the kids were hardly at home as her only root of escape was visiting her sister. It was a confuse, tiring and messy marital affair there was no passion, joy, love, excitement, longing or desire they sex life had become a bore as Stephan without the influence of foreign substances couldn’t get it up and orgasm were few and far apart for Patrice.
Their marriage was proclaimed for failure from the start you see Stephan was never in love with her, yet he loved her, she was his childhood acquaintance. They were both young and madly fond of one another however Patrice’s sister Annabelle had dated Stephan at a young age their relationship lasted two years and by the age of seventeen Annabelle had broken off the relationship due to Stephan’s lustful ways and bad habits.
However, they remained friends and on occasions there will meet at family gatherings and funerals. Patrice had left home at the age of twenty-one and came to London to pursue a career in law. After her studies, she worked for a law firm for five years and decided to follow her dreams, which was working with children. She enjoyed her dream job immensely as it gave her complete satisfaction.
There was nothing better in supporting parents and working alongside outside agencies for the wellbeing and betterment of their children. It was important to ensure that their everyday needs were meet she had hope one day to own her own nursery. But she battled with keeping her abusive relationship, her husband’s demons from the pass, his addictions and affairs a secret as her main priority was keeping her children safe.
She took the children to work with her they rarely ever stayed at home with dad as she was too afraid of what might or could happen their lives were precious she could not bear the thought of losing them or being separated from them as there were her reasons for life and change. Many times, Patrice had contemplated leaving Stephan but every time fear got the better of her as she was too afraid of what others would think, what he will do and where would their go the more she thought the more she was driven into the world of darkness and fear her mind became a silent battle field.
In this mind field, she was not just battling with demons of his pass; she was in constant war with self, with what was right and wrong, with the fear of seeking professional help from others not only for her but for him and the children. The thought of being label a victim of abuse terrified her. She couldn’t let the world know that a woman of her status was a coward to afraid to face or stand against her abuser. So, like many other woman and victims before her, she hid in the shadows of the dark and became invisible. She was alive yet dead, visible yet invisible she was the living dead.
Eight years she was entrapped and had experience insanity at its slowest pace her work colleagues and friends for a while had thought she was under the influence of drugs as she kept losing a lot of weight not one had stop to ask what was wrong as each had his or her own version of what was happening in her life. She trusted no one as she had observed that society on the hold was to judgmental.
Who could understand no one she thought at the time except someone who had walk a mile and a half in her shoes. She had so many stories some will send chills up your spine others will make your hair stand, your brain ache and your heart bleed. Yet she ploughed on being a mother and father to her three children, a stepmother to her family children and a friend to those who looked upon her as though she was dumb.
The only man who took the time to love her, to carry her, to cradle her and pick her lifeless body up from the depth of the dead sea was her ‘Lord and Saviour’, her true companion and friend. Today he continues to carry her and even though life continues to be a battlefield she walks in faith and courage knowing that her companion is at her side.
Rom. 8:37
In all these things, we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us."
Eph. 6:11-17
"Put on the full Armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore, put on the full Armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God."
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