Caught Red Suited

Caught Red Suited

Chris had finally pulled a plan together for the perfect crime, he was going to steal Christmas. He let out a loud Ha Ha Ha instead of the traditional Santa ho Ho's. He just needed Mrs. Claus to pull off this heist and knew just the girl for the job. Tami was an actress and a waitress kinda the same thing in this deadbeat town a local theater with a play once a month wasn't Broadway but it was just enough for someone to get recognized in town. It was only 1130 in the morning and this chick was lit, doing shots of Jack Daniels with the guys from the quarry that just came off their shift, not really shocked by her dancing to the beat of her own drum. Tami was that chick in high school that was on the varsity cheer as a freshman, always good in sports and one hell of a looker. She ended up at that waitress job during high school to earn extra cash on the side and just never left. She could have made it in the big city but she never left this god-forsaken town.

Chris approached Tami at the end of her shift and asked if she'd be interested in a side-acting gig. She scoffed and said I'm not playing your weird games if that's what you're thinking. He said that it was a paying job and that it would only require her to just play the part. Chris said that he would explain all the details later and asked if he could meet her here before her next shift. The plan was quite brilliant as he thought it through he headed down the main strip to head home to look for something in the attic. Between the cobwebs and the easter decorations there, it was the perfect disguise for the job that he was planning. He giggled with excitement as he pulled the bag out and went to his room to see if it had fit him or not. Other than a good cleaning it was perfect. I could get a side job looking like this Ho Ho Ho he bellowed as the white beard itched his upper lip. Better get this thing cleaned before the mothballs and dust choke me. He took the suit to his buddy Ken who owned the fluff and fold and also dry cleaner. How long and how much, a Mr. and Mrs. Claus steamed and ready by tomorrow and for you man 20 smackers and maybe one of your mom's chocolate chip cookies. Thanks, Bud see ya tomorrow I'll work on the cookies. He was pleased with his request. They had grown up next door to each other, played ball together, and even dated the same girl in middle school, not at the same time of course.

Chris went to his mother's job to put the cookie order in, she wanted to give him a haircut because she was a hairdresser in town, right on the main drag. She was ready to retire and buy a house down in Florida. She was getting tired of the harsh winters and was ready for some warm winters and getting together with old friends. Everyone was getting ready for the big tree lighting at the town hall that was held every year for the last 72 years. That is how he came up with the idea for taking the money. At the town hall, there was always a box with a ton of cash donated by the town folks and the business for the week of Christmas. He figured that he and Tami would pose as Mr. and Mrs. Claus and take off with the money and split it fifty fifty. That could have been their chance to get the heck out of town for the both of them as they so often spoke about while eating at the diner. It wasn't that he didn't make a lot of money but he was ready to get far away from here. Tami wanted to get out of this town since high school. She was in the school drama club and she was dramatic, believe you me. We didn't date or anything. We were friends since grade school and hooked up a few times at a party, or five.

I met Tami at her house and we went downstairs to her basement so her parents wouldn't hear anything. I told her that I had the outfit for her and that it was being cleaned and that when we go up to the ceremony dressed as Mr.and Mrs. Claus after the Mayor says his whole speech about the tradition of the blah blah blah. We grab the box, get in the car and take off, go to the next state and split whatever is in there, and be on our merry way. Tami said well what about Jerry and Anna, the ones that dress like the Clauses? How do you plan on letting them know that they are not going to be playing the roles? Got that covered every year they eat at the diner right before, Tami interrupts and says if you think for one minute that I'm going to give them food poisoning. No no, we put a few drops of eye drops in the water and they will be crapping their brains out. It works, remember that substitute teacher in tenth grade, they had to call Bob the maintenance guy to clean the chair and the hallway. She thought that was a good idea and agreed to it. As long as I have her on board this should work. I knew that she would say yes I have a bit of charm when it comes to the ladies, no not really I just like to say that.

The next day I got a call from Ken saying that the suits were ready he was asking me if I was going to a costume party or just having a little fetish thing I laughed and told him that the mayor wanted a backup just in case that Jerry and Anna were not feeling up to it with the whole Covid thing and they are getting older so I am here to serve and give back to the community. I was laying it on pretty thick. Then he asked me one last question, dude do you have the cookies?

I couldn't say no to that request so I gave him a Tupperware full of cookies, his eyes lit up like a wino looking at a bottle. I texted Tami telling her that we were all set and told her don't forget the makeup for my rosy red cheeks. I went home and tried on the suit to look to see how many pillows I needed for my jolly belly. While looking in the mirror I had a flashback of my Dad of that Christmas that he wore and stood over by the fireplace handing out gifts. My eyes started filling up "it was a Christmas like no other", that was his last Christmas before he passed away. Just then my mom walked in and said holy crap you look just like your dad and snapped a pic on her phone we both wiped the tears and laughed. My mom said she hadn't seen that suit in a very long time. I told her that Tami and I were going to the tree lighting like this and that we were going to be the backup to Jerry and Anna.

I tuned up the car just to make sure that we could make it out of town. I went to the diner and met Tami about an hour from when they were expected to come in. I brought the eye drops and waited in the back. Don't touch anything is what she told me as I was putting my finger towards the bags of flour, fine I'll have no fun. You are a child in an adult body tell me how did I agree to this, money my dear Watson money as she just shakes her head and sighs. About a half-hour later they came in and ordered the usual dinner meatloaf mashed potatoes and green beans with a coffee that was for both of them. I put the eye drops in both of their coffees, crossed my fingers, and waited for the victory run to the bathroom. It didn't take long for Anna; she was the first one that took that faithful jog to the bathroom. It took a little longer for Jerry. It was in the middle of dinner that he trotted over there and Anna was still in the bathroom. Tami opened the door just to check on them. She said that it sounded like a truck full of tuba's got stuck in a hurricane as the tears rolled down while laughing. I guess that your plan worked and we should really get dressed and get headed over. We went over to Tami's house to get dressed since she was the closest to the tree lighting. She came down the stairs in slow motion as I stood up to greet her. Why hello there I'm here to take Mrs. Claus out on an evening as she threw her bag of clothes at me to put in the car.

The plan was falling into place. All that we had to do was to go to the ceremony and let the mayor know that we were going to fill in for Jerry and Anna and tell them that they weren't feeling very well. The car had a full tank and all was ready to head out of town and state and who knows the possibilities from there. We took a selfie before we went up to the stage because no lie we did look good. We scoped out the place looking for the easiest way to grab it and get it in the car without anyone noticing which was not going to be easy but not impossible. It was the job of Santa to take the box and bring it to the back door of the town hall. It was time to go up and I made sure that the car was running to make a quick getaway and if anyone asked it was cold out so the heat was on. We got on stage with the Mayor. He did the countdown for me to flip the switch tree lit and then we grabbed the box full of cash and got off the stage. The mayor whispered in my ear to give the box to Mary at the back door and have a Merry Christmas. I replied with a HoHoHo and said I hope you were a very good boy Mr. Mayor and got off the stage. There was no one around and we ran to the car as fast as we could, threw the box in the front seat, and bolted out of there like Bo and Luke leaving this crazy town behind us. Tami looked in the back at the box and said it's locked. I told her don't worry I have a key and showed her the hammer in my console.

The mayor realized that the box of cash was missing so we were being hunted by Opey and the rest of the derelict sleaze that this town had hired to uphold the law we were seven minutes from the town line and twenty to the state I was hauling like I just stole a box of cash because I just did. In the distance were sirens and red lights could be seen in the treetops as I looked in the rearview mirror. We're not going to make it, are we Tami whimper? I was almost there and a car was waiting at the bridge before we crossed. I said I was sorry that this was supposed to be a good Christmas for both of us. I guess it just wasn't in the cards. All the lights were on us and they told us to get out of the car with our hands up. Tami leaned in and kissed me and she told me that this was the best Christmas. Both of us opened the car door with our hands up and got put up against the car and were placed in the backseat of a police cruiser. It definitely was a Christmas like no other. The Beginning!!!!!

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